A Missing Puzzle which I'm still searching for.

Tell me the truth

2007-05-06T20:57:00.001+08:00

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.

If only i can believe what you preach..

When there is me and only me

2007-05-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm ~~not~~ waiting around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm not happy where I am)
~~Don't~~ depend on a guy to validate me
~~(No no)~~ (Yes Yes)
I ~~don't~~ need to be someone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
>s>No Yes I ~~don't~~ need another half to make me whole
Make your move if you want ~~doesn't mean I will or won't~~
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence and pain
~~There's no way~~ I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I don't wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I don't wanna be

Call me a Desperado, all you want. I hate my single status.
I need a man in my life now.
All that oath of wanting to focus on career and money chase was just a saying.
I need someone to bother me , to pester me and to fuss over me.
I need someone who i can laugh with, gossip with and cry with.
I need someone to listen to my woes and dreams.
I need someone to shower me with hugs and gifts.

I can't stand being alone anymore. i don't have anybody to hangout with, shopped with and have dinner with.
I can't relied on my friends as MOST of my friends are totally absorbed with their own significant others that they don't have time for their friend who have been with them way long enough then their opposite gender. The friend who has been supporting them physically and emotionally all through the years. While the rest (the other singles) are simply busy with work which they claimed that so busy that they don't even bother to msg nor call.
It's not a sob or fake or pretense stories to have your concern.
I'm just letting out the feeling that ive been drown in.
I just want to be heard.

I used to like my freedom because im a independent person, lady. I don like to be cling on or at. I preferred to make my own decisions and choices. I don't need anyone to nagged at me for not eating my food or for not picking up the phone. I don't need a wall to block my views from the world BUT I was wrong. I'm totally delusional or maybe i'm just grown up and i need to be love and care at. Now all i have to do is wait, wait and wait.

I need someone like you.

*******************************

The Time has finally come..

May the force be with us.

stepping thru thin glasses

2007-05-01T23:25:00.001+08:00

I apologised for the lack of entries.
I know i've been neglecting my blog but seriously i have yet to to think about closing down.
Don't Worry :)
Time is suffocating me as i have alot of stuff to finish up especially my workload which is getting heavier by the day and i always fall into paranoia, afraid that i messed up.
I thought i was alone but i when read today New Paper, condolensence for the family.
It made me weep, i was frightened that i will end up like her. As this is my 1st job , i wanted to impress and show my boss and colleagues that im able to make it, able to do it.
I don want to be called a loser or quit morever i'm from ITE and i wanted to prove to them.
It seems i can't.. Two months of headache and chest pains , i just can't and i don want to end up like her..

Desperate, Miserable and Worthless

2007-04-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

Everything is meaningless to me.

last words

2007-04-25T21:35:00.001+08:00

I seriously need to jot down any ideas or stories that come to my mind. Now im sitting infront of the computer and staring at the screen and raking my brains for adjectives to describe my post.
There's alot to be updated, to gossip about and to ponder at but nothing came out of my mind.
I also have overdue-accumulated pictures to share with.
I donnoe whats happening to me, Im totally flabbergasted with the change.
My heart is screaming to let go what i have in there but it seems it has been glued shut.
I try so hard to let myself known but it seems nobody wanna hear me say.
I'm all alone,struggling,wriggling to come out from my shell.

Black Parade

2007-04-24T07:09:00.000+08:00

I hate Mondays
and Tuesday.
How i wish today is Wednesday night.
Weekends were well spent(i guess) by lazing ard, dvd-marathon and baking brownies.
I did not have any ounce of energy to step out of the house.
The trip to IKEA was cancelled at the very last min and spent it sleeping.
Suddenly the song, BIARLAH RAHSIA,
feels so close to the heart.

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketike,
berada ditempatku.

I Love my past life..
I miss School!,I miss my beloved concession pass and self-declared holiday :(

Torn into pieces

2007-04-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

I never had problem with dark eye-circles, panda eyes nor mata kuyu. Then i found out that my mesmerizing eyes look dull and wrinkly! Yes! I have wrinkles under the eye! This is what will happen when you turn one digit higher, the amount of white hairs will be brighter and the elastic of your face will go flabbier. Work has really took a toll on me. I had never been this tired nor shagged eventhough i never sleep tfor he whole day. I seriously need a break. My social life is totally ruin, No time for friends and families. Not to mention myself!
Now i seriously need an opinion. Will you, readers help me?
I wanna quit my job. What do you think?
Should I or Should I not..
I've been thinking about it lately..
I love my job, no kidding. The reason for me to breakaway is because the stress level is nerve-wrecking. I often leave work at 7.30pm and Don even think that i did not manage my time properly.
The problem lies with my agents, my overseas subsidaries who seem can't do their work properly. Half of the day i had to entertain their endless emails and enquiries. That's why i couldnt finish up my work and had to stay late.
And with everytime i received these emails it will be never-ending and heart-pounding state for every emails i received NEVER was it a prob-less one. All came with problems and it pressurizing me more and i can't focus on my work bcoz my mind's thinking how to solveit.
That's the reason why i wanna quit becoz the workload kept getting heavier and as im the only one who is in-charge of export and i need to rush as i have many customers to attend to. My Manager is a useless bi-atch, her way of teaching did not help at all and she expect me to do filing, to enter her accounts. It irked me bcoz all i see her was talked on the phone and smoked!
I can't take it anymore. I thought i will get thru it if i patiencely wait BUT enough is enough!
I need your help..Should i give the resignation letter?
Dont tell me to confide to my manager about my feelings coz it wont help.

Let's be Merry

2007-04-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

Weekends were spent with the love ones.
On saturday went to Lagun sari to celebrate my paternal cousin's wedding day.
Our starting journey was so farked up as we got lost, got cheated by the taxi driver and
to make matter, it was raining heavily.
What greeted us at the door was a table of matrips, I think i roll my eyes so hard that it nearly went inside. We ushered to our tables and blessed us to sit jus directly infront of them. My sisters were definitely enjoying the view. I was more intrigued to this particular lagun sari staff.
I was taken a back when he smiled at me but i did not know whether i reciprocate back. He captured my eyes when he walked past us and i looked out for him everytime. Haha.
Sadly :( , he was at the receptionist and i coud not meet him even i went home.
Before that, I had finished my dinner and was minding my business when i heard my name being called.
"Dipersilakan NurulJannah ke pentas untuk mendendangkan lagu kepada pengantin".
I ignored it coz in the room maybe there were more than One NurulJannah.
The deejay made an annoucement again, this time i knew it was for real. Everybody was looking at me and i realised , My Dad , My uncle and my cousins sabotaged me!
There were waiting for my reaction across the table. I was so paiseh. They were chanting my name to sing and my aunties (The man &The women sat separately) even joined in.
Of coz i declined! I wasn't prepared hokays! They wanted to drag me to the stage but i stay rooted. I love to sing but i wasn't ready to perform. Sorry for disappointing u guys..

Today i went visting Khairatul Syahirah, My beloved and adorable 4-mths old cousin at her tampines home. I bought her baby clothing and shoes as a token. I love babies and toddlers.
(Read NOT kids) Befor that, i stopped by TM to get some groceries at NTUC. I was busy browsing ehn my si tapped me and claimed, "Kak,nie kan lagu Joseph."
I was loke.. Noooo! Then she smacked my shoulder and told me to listen. And true in the midst of the noise, Close every door was being played on the radion. Suddenly the emotions came rushing and i realised Today (15th) , 5 months ago was our 1st show together. I msged some of them and i had a decent sms convo with Alan. We reminisced about the past, talked about life , NS, hangouts etc. When i remembered, in the morning i met Khairullah!
I was otw home from marketing and he bypass-ed me. We got a glimpse of each other and he was infront of me but he kept turning back. I knew it was him and i took the courage to say,
"Khai Kan?" and he stopped abruptly, "Jannah Musical kan?" So many suprises, i was overwhelmed.. He was uber skinny! NS do helps! He looked different as in skinnier and darker.

Pictures will be posted soon as now im lazy to plug in the USB.

Current Issues

2007-04-14T01:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was Friday the tiga belas (13th).
Today is Lil Sis 12th Bdae.
Happy 1st month anniversary dear!
I endured all your nonsense for all these while and i survived, I hope we can last thru the year :)
Migrane attack!
Ok aku nak tdo.

True Meaning

2007-04-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

Alone,

Out in the cold,

Searching,

Finding,

looking

and hoping.

Dance for Life

2007-04-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

All thanks to the sponsorship of my teacher, i had my virgin experience in a club. The intention was to watch my musical mate performed but an oppurtunity that i can't simply resist =p. I wasn't excited coz i knew how was it but i was curious to feel it by myself.
The queue was long but bearable and the place looks PG. The interior was squeezy and cramped. We had to stand to watch the performance and my feet was burning due to it. I refrained myself from rubbing boobs with others but i kept accidentally kissed the girl's back( She was wearing a LBD halter-neck) as she was too tall( she was standing infront of me)and i couldnt watch the show in peace from all the pushing and shoving.
The show ended at 11pm and we chilled at loft on the 2nd storey.The breeze was mind-calming and steered me away from the thumping and banging of the crowds.
I did not take lots of picture becoz
1) It was dark.(the flash wont help at all)
2) i don wanna look over-excited.

The Ticket-Holder

Lost in translation

Fiza, Yaqyn, Ros(Qyns's cous), Aqram, Juz, Faiz, Mas and some of their friends were there. It was fun to just let ur hair down and get drunk. Nope, i got myself a coke.I people-watched and it was getting boring. I wasn't used to the place and i went down alone to go to the toilet, they were staring at me and some guys siddled up to me and dirty-danced. It was cute but i did not reciprocate, i just smiled and walked-away. The dancefloor was packed and there was some battling going on. The performers took half of the dancefloor and the rest were just shimmying away by the side. Every corner, every sides of the room, clubbers were dancing away oblivious to the eyes of the others. I finally voiced out that i wanna dance coz i came there to be one of them, i got my wishes and 10mins later, we were shaking our booty for almost 20mins. It felt like an oven inside there. I was sweating like a pig ,the smell was perfumeric-stinky.
Well to sum it up, I would go clubbing once in a blue moon when there is occasions to celebrate. I would rather chilled at the cafe by the river.

Yours Truly

*Shout-Out*

Happy 22nd Kak InIn! May ur wishes come true and the year ahead is full of happiness..

Overload

2007-04-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

The results out and i'm disappointed with it. I did not walk away with (at least) a GPA 3 instead my certificate will be written as 2.708 and with an EXCEEDINGLY ACTIVE (A) under the CCA. Well, Im thankful that my hardwork and volunteerism and Talent is being recognised. =)
I'm not acdemically-incline , I hate studying. My ways of studying is opening the book sleep on it. Howells , what's done is done. The funny part is Father asked me whether i wanna continue studying? I answered YES coz I hate working and i don wanna be finacially-independent anymore. My friends still received their monthly allowance from their parents. Shameful aite? But I can't judge.
Anyhoos Happy Holidays everyone!
It will be a Long weekends but i feel it's not. I just spent my day(today) shopping for shoes n more shoes, bdae pressies, chocolates and bags. I lost about 100bucks due to that spending. Well.. A girl gotta do, what a girl gotta do.. And im super shacked.
Tommorow will be a short day too as My cousins are having a bbq at EC and i thought i could rest at home b4 proceeding to the show @ 9pm. A whole day outside.. Im dead.
Sunday i just home there is NO Family day as I really need the rest for the next 5 days at the battling field(work). I need to prepare myself mentally and physically.
Speaking of the devil, I ve been complaining about it to everyone. How dreadful is it there.
I told my mom,"Macam gini org boleh mati syahid sey. Nasib baik lah jatung org kuat klau tak siang2 dah mati terkejut".
That's how bad it is at work. Every Monday,i woke up and wished that the day could just ended but the day is just starting. Every Monday, I felt like bursting into tears as i couldnt handle the environment. Every Monday, I know i will faced the stress and pressure. Everday, i felt like wanting to give my resignation letter.
Momma gaves me the moral support and encouragement to stay strong. By the end of the month, if i feel that it doesnt suits me then i could just call it quits.
I tried what she advised me but i can't control it. I could just collapse there and then.
I prayed to Allah to give me the strength..

Work is such a BITCH!

One Long Night

2007-04-06T02:20:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping right now but i don't feel like it. In my mind now, thoughts is swirling and whirling, trying to find the solution to everything. I felt like a loser. I'm like at the losing end. I hate feeling negative, discriminating myself. I tried to fought back these feelings but it's too overwhelming.
God, Give me strength to pass this journey..

Heartbreaking news

2007-04-06T00:01:00.001+08:00

And so he's attached. I did not know how to react as I stared at those words at my handphone screen, wide-eyed. I don't blame him..All this while he had hinted to me but i brushed him off as i "felt" that we are better off friends rather than being "together". It's my fault for dilly-dallying. Now he found someone , The One, I shall put it.
A lucky girl..The Girl who able to catch his attention and snare his heart.
FYI, She's (His) 1st girlfriend. She must be special to his eyes.
He broke his oath and turned away from his principles. He told me that he's afraid to be in a relationship because he's NOT ready mentally. He mentioned, having a girlfriend is EXPENSIVE. Now his enjoying every single of his non-singlehood, that was how he described it to me.
I hope he is still e same guy i met and befriended two years ago. I wanted to tell him
don-4get-me-not BUT i refrained as i don't want him to know the feelings im feeling aft he dropped the news.
He used to be my listening ear and now his gone.
I'm left stranded with no one to turn to.

A world without strangers

2007-04-01T23:00:00.001+08:00

The GV bbq was a smoky situation , make it a toxic one. We were polluting the air with our fumes. We had a difficult time to put up the fire and it wont stop diminishing and impatiently we decided to burn the napkins to help with it. Haha! Wrong move! I could die of intoxicant inhalation. While i was happily munching the chao tar sausages someone was discreetly watching and i was stunned when he came over and exclaimed with a (failed) straight face,
"Jannah! Aiyoh u became Seena( his pronouciation of cheena) already , u just ate pork sausages."
They complimented my chicken wings. They were totally loving it. I knew long ago that my chicken wings are divine. Everytime when we planned for some bbq party , they alwaes instruct me to bring it. To those who did not like my chicken wings , they actually did not appreciate food. I made my wings with LOVE.

LeLong LeLong!

Hard at work

The Bbq Kings

Lets Makan!

Finally time to rest..

The Kambings at 8

2007-03-31T01:29:00.000+08:00

My day was made when i received a call from 987fm. Yes! I was ON air Again! But this time is different.. It's regarding about telling sum1 how ur feeling towards them or towards something. I msged the muttons and i got a call from them when i was in the tunnel(MRT) so the lines kinda gotten cut off. I thought they're not gng to call again alas! they did. I was hesistant 2 pick up the call but i'm happy i did. The feelings that i've been bottling inside me has popped due to them. We talked how shitty i felt as i was treated like a lifeless doll. They made me laughed and aft 2 weeks i was able to smile. I wasn't able to hear myself on Air coz i was already at work. Luckily i had my dear Kina :) who was listening to it and i'm thankful coz sum1 close 2 me heard me. The Muttons encouraged and motivated me to suck in and breathe out PISS OFF to those heartless colleagues. Haha Of coz i couldnt but that day was a blessing. I was left alone on my own. I done my work peacefully and i went home right on the dot.
So the next day which was on the thursday, i send a thank-you dedication to them and it was returned with a specially-made dedication a RAP song from them. It was hilarious. I was like siao smiling to myself in the train. I wondered whether those passengers tuning to them knew who i was and im actually in the train.

Ppl! Listen to this.. So true.. Haha ;P

the babi and the ayam

2007-03-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

I told you that my workplace is racist. I can get along with any races. I don't care whether ur black , yellow or brown. I tried my best to mingle around but for the last two weeks, i felt i've been communicating with the bright orange walls and the opaque ceilings instead. Yes, i don fit in. Isnt work should be a place where you release your stress from home and NOT get more pressurized. Since day one, I've been like a trampled on, stepped on and spit on. I'm like a worthless doll. They make things difficult for me. They twist and turn their explanation and made me look like fool when i was called upon to explain what ive been taught about. They teach me reluctantly and expected me to understand them. Then they pile me with endless paperworks to finish, they even have the cheek to ask me to do filing when i'm so SURROUNDED WITH WORK. I'm so exhausted form those typing, handling calls and listening to the naggings from those Cina cibai Ccb bitches.
From my views, they wanna sabotage me so that I will give up and quit!
Luckily, im strong enough to withstand their endless jabs or i would crumpled there and then.
I was about too But i told myself that it's no worth crying for this assholes.
I must stay strong and prove them wrong!

In a lighter note, I'm looking forward for CardioLatino practise this friday and my secondary school chalet!!!

Random Stranger

2007-03-25T15:49:00.000+08:00

Once i saw you, I knew i was in love.
I was captured by your captivating eyes and your cheeky smile.

Its such a shame that i forget to ask for your name.

With that, I hope that One day we will meet again.

Back to the oldies

2007-03-24T01:27:00.000+08:00

How i wish i could turn back time and be15 again.
Or maybe
10?

The Love of friendship.

2007-03-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

Five people confesses to me that they misses me. It didn't occured to me that i would be missed therefore im touched by the sweet msgs. Then it hit me and i felt so lonely. I've been swamped with work and the stuff that revolved around me is the transhipment route,
co-loads or consol , the consignee's details, the bill of lading or whether its an Express BL or Original. I even have nightmares due to it, hopefully it will not be a dejavu. I started to reminisce about the past and smiled at the thoughts of it. The times were totally unforgetable and it will always stay at the back of my mind. I may be busy but i still find the time to msg my friends that i misses them alot. It takes two to play a game *hint*hint* , i've been urging them to hangout but the opposite has yet to response. hehe =P. I'm still waiting. I gonna sqeeuze u people when we meet. To those out there who feels that i dind't miss you , believe me that my heart is yearning for the contagious laughter we share , the gossips we passed around and the songs we sung. You all play a part in my life eventhough you are just a passerby.

What goes round comes around.

2007-03-20T21:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was just a dream
and i hope tomorrow won't be like today.

Ur it!

2007-03-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

Ive been tagged by Asha so yeah and its been long overdue haha.

So here goes.

The list of unknown facts about me , the weirdest habit and disgusting things about me.

1) I'm a bloodphobic. I squirmed when i see blood.

2) Nyonyas and Ahpeks thought i'm a chinese. Weird kan?? Do i look one?"-"

3) It's hard for me to fall in love.

4) But once i'm in love, it's hard for me to let go. It takes years to let the feeling subsides..

5) I could hear the faintest whisper so beware if u start talking behind my back!

6) I lust after Mens' tone bicep and shoulders, i just wanna squeeze one =P .

7) Im the fairest amongst my siblings.

8) I need my chocolate fix everyday.

9) Occassionally i talk to myself. Haha confirm giler.

10) I farted not-so-discreetly in public. Wakaka!!

While the next point will be just FYI, to make it more interesting..

11) I'm still single =)

Still a long way

2007-03-17T13:40:00.000+08:00

I'm not being racist here but i'm the only malay there at work. If i stay there till Allah knows when, i will definitely has to lunch in everyday. I try my best to get along with my colleagues but it seems that they brushed me off like a speck of dust. There is this lovely girl who sat beside me, She actually from one of our subsidary companies. It was an internal exchange, she came down to help for two weeks. Next week is her last and i will not have a friend to irritate or talk to. I'm dependent on her coz when i'm in doubt i would kept pestering her by asking countless questions. Why?? Coz they did not teach me step by step instead it was all jumble up instead of A-Z, It goes from A-I and then Q-Z back to J-P. I knew that i'm irritating her but i have no choice but to ask. They can't blame me bcoz they taught me Once or halfway through the methods and expect me to understand. I'm not a slow-learner. You have to explain to me completely then i could get the whole picture. The others were no help as they half-heartedly show me thru the procedures. It's very upsetting. I want to show them that i'm NOT the blur sotong type they quietly think me off.

On the other hand, there is my intimidating boss. He's a skinny man with a loud voice and very open-minded. He pressured on puctuality and honesty. I remembered my interview, i was writing down my application and he came on me and he asked me alot of question regarding the industry. Luckily i was able to think calmly and I felt i sastified him with my answers. But there was one shocker, i was taken aback by the question, he asked me" Are you the stupid stupid (selenger) one??" I confidently said" Haha NO i'm NOT those type" From that onwards, i found him scary. I felt that im threading on broken glasses when he's in the office. Then on my 1st day "You see how is our operation and if u don't like the atmosphere, you can tell us and we will let you go" While during my 2nd day, " Wah! 48hrs already, u think u can handle?" I felt that he don't think i can make it and it hurts that he don't have any confidence in me OR he was just being straight-forward. The questions were left unanswered and i'm restless to know where i stand in the company. I WANT and NEED to be PART of the company. I Want to be ACCEPTED. This is my 1st job and i have to make a deep impression to my colleagues that i'm able to adapt with the surroundings. All I need is a CHANCE to PROVE myself and I hope it will come soon..

There's another reason that i have to stick to my job because i'm taking a course which owns me Diploma after 18mths. Alot of time, energy and money to be sacrificed. It's a rare oppurtunity that i should grab BUT the original fee is a ~~breathtaking~~ freaking $5000! Fortunately, this course is being SUBSIDIES provided i'm working FULL-TIME and i have a PAYSLIP to back up my claims. The only problem is because i just started my work and i'm afraid that can't process my application and it will be an utter disappointment if i could not make it thru. This course is an interest that i could pursue in the future. Something that i could use to benefit me and others.

On a lighter note.. I MISS my ITE friends and classmates. My babes and My Sup-Tulang Freaks! Then there was My karaoke trios and the Macfloods. Also Mr Abdul AzizulHakim..(This gonna attract alot of attention haha) B4 making conclusion, I'm not dating him.
Indeed a very long wayy to go..

First and foremost

2007-03-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Work was totally kick in the ass. Maybe it's too early to say BUT it looks like one.
Just hoping for the best, *praying hard*.

To that someone and not any someone.. That certain one who make me lost in concentration..

I MISS YOU.

Finally

2007-03-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

These are the pictures that ive been accumulated since ITE roadshow.
Combination of Marriot Hotel and the above but i couldnt get my hands on the pictures posted at bestie blog, the sets and the rehearsals.

Tomorrow is the start of a new life. Everybody will be busy sorting their lifes into places.

My swingers and Josephians will be mugging for their exams. Our Little gerls Dayah n Syirah still have a long way to go while the rest: Fiza, Fit, Faiz , Agnes, Mas, Suhari, Aqram and Juz will be graduating.

Alan and Fahmy are off towards the calls of NS on tuesday.

I'm going to miss you guys..

Apologise towards the harshness and incooperation(if any)

The fun and laughter we had..

May our friendship last throughout..

Hope 2 see you guys again.. Y

The end is just the beginning.

2007-03-10T14:42:00.001+08:00

No more late nights , No more endless complaining and No more Lame games and telling ghost stories.

Our last performance was held at Marriot Hotel. My 1st staying in Singapore's hotel. Im so awed by it. We had our cramped room bcoz every1 and when i meant EVERYONE were the performers, the make-up artist, the teacher-in-charge and the Xtras. I think there were about 40 ppl. Everything was scattered on the floor; the shoes, the bags, the paperbags,the make-up toolboxes and the ppl themselves. There were only 2 single beds and everyone jumped on it. I had fun and as usually we camwhored. I brought that my tuna black pepper pasta. Everyone was famished, they finished it up clean. I'm not sure whether it was up to standard but some complimented that it's good and the ingredients was rich in texture. Thank you very much.

The whole thing wrapped up ard 10pm, we were hungry coz the hotel din provide us dinner. Therefore my mates went stealing leftovers and some cookies and sweets. I only get a bite here and there coz i was too shagged to get involve. Mr Cho had to buy lunch cum dinner for us. It was prata and mcwings for supper.I wanna thanked Mr Cho for the endless arrangement and organizing and also Mr Baron for his help. Then we hung out at McCafe, I din stay long bcoz i had my reasons. I really wanna to but bcoz of my reasons i can't. My parents allowed it BUT i don wanna to.

This is it.. Finally a goodbye. Everyone going their separate ways.
Alan and Fahmy will have to shave their hair in 3 days time. They're answering the Manhoods Calls. They're having their NS at Police Academy. The rest having their final exams and Agnes is planning going to NAFA while Juz, Aqram and Faiz maybe off to NS, Im not sure what's their plan and there's Fiza, Agnes and Qyn. Me? Well i'm starting my 1st real job on Monday. Wish me luck.. Hope that i'm able to adapt to the surroundings and the workload too.. Also i hope to get along and have nice colleagues to begin with..

Like These adult wannabes say "GOODBYE SCHOOL , HELLO CRUEL WORLD!"

It's the start of everything..

silhouette's

2007-03-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

This time it was right in the face. No more silhouette's , no more "by the side of the eyes", no more "something juz flashed by". It happened without me knowing it and i was caught off guard.
There it was standing a couple steps infront of me. I thought there was someone but as i stared, it seems that it is not moving. Then i realized what was "it". I made a HUGE u-turn instead of going to the lift, i bolted back to the carpark and hurriedly called up my home. I was shaking and i couldn't stop chanting the Ayat Kursi. Mind u, it was at ONLY 9pm! I thought i was hallucinating. As i dashed away, i was able to look back and what i saw made my heart jumped to my throat. It's GONE. My eyes already bulged out a few centimetres. At that moment, i knew my eyes weren't playing a trick on me.
Under the Big tree, A white"it" was on a standstill. The area was actually a jogging track. It was so dark therefore "it" stood out. It was totally white- pure white. Nope i did not see "it's" face.
So what do u think i just saw?
Do u think i was just hallucinating?
Do you think its just a Lie?

Uncollected Off

2007-03-08T11:11:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling totally worn-out and washed out. I'm soo freaking shagged that sometimes i got home aft washing my feet, I changed my clothes and went straight to bed. Like the very disgusting kan? Make-up is still pasted on the face, my teeth n arrghhh! shall not say coz u will just lose ur appetites. Also I've been waking late lately, that is at 10.30am and you know how grouchy i am. Then the sweeping, washing the dishes and whipped out some lunch dishes and Off to Musical practice. Im so freaking tired that sometimes i felt like breaking down, I just want to cry but i hold on which getting my moods dampen throughtout the day which also getting people to misintepret me. Yesterday was Dancefloor Wildcards round, i went withe the others to support our mates The D2K duo. The atmosphere was hyped, everyone was cheering and screaming, they were all in the mood. I was looking stoic. I guessed it's due to my raging hormones and i just had my menses in the morning and the uncomfortable feeling. I apologised for any inconvenience cause.

- Reply to tags-

Fiza : No lah I'm not upset ,i'm just tired.Im used to people not taking it seriously. Morever i felt like a spoiltsport. Anyhoos I enjoyed the other night. It was fun! watching u got bullied. Haha :) Asked me anyime i tried my best to drop by..

Qyn : No worries.. It's ok.. :)

Asha: Don't feel bad mayb blom rezeki..

Haunted

2007-03-07T07:03:00.000+08:00

A certain someone asked me" Jannah is it true that u could actually "see"". By the tone of the voice and his facial expression i knew he was skeptical. It all begun last sun where aft ITE roadshow we decided to chill by the bay and how thrill it was to tell ghost stories. The gerls were mainly against the idea coz in a few minutes its gonna be midnite but the guys decided to wow the gerls with their machoness. I hate it when ppl tell ghost stories, i mean some of them weren't even real or don't even exists.
As me,myself and I knew the presence was there all along, i decided to interrupt bcoz i don wanna get myself in trouble.
You see.. Its very difficult to explain myself coz everybody will NEVER understand. I knew as i walked off leaving them and forcing them 2 go home, i had a feeling that they were actually hesitant. I knew they thought i was just making up stories and wanted to go home bcoz it was already late at night or mainly i was juz plain scared.
MARK MY WORDS, i was never in that situation. They should be thankful that they were not hurt or got possessed or get nightmares. They will be in deep trouble if that actually stay there longer.
As you read this, i knew you will definitely shook your head in disgust. I knew what's gng on in your mind, you will think that i'm just A BIG FAT LIAR. It's up to you whether you want to believe it or not. But in the name of Allah, i'm saying the truth nothing but the truth.

So, I had to arrange my words carefully in order not to sound like a liar or faking it all up.
I nodded my head and answered" Yes, but i could not see except during when i was caught off guard but mostly the presence. I knew he did not take me seriously.
I was upset bcoz none believe me but i could not say anything becoz i was forbid to tell. I could only warned them and it's up to them whether to obey it or not.

I could only fill in these that, Cik Pon aka Minah Rockers, Penanggal or watever shit did not exist. These "things" were make-believes stories by our ancestors to keep children from being rebellious. Even in the Holy Quran, the evil existence are the Satans and The Jins. These are the ones that actually revolved around us. These are the ones you saw when "you thought you saw something", the flash of whites, the red eyes or name-whispering.
I've been through it and what i encountered will never be told. It's something that i would never forget and it will alwaes stay with me.

When I make the difference

2007-03-06T02:55:00.000+08:00

Well hello lovelies. Im sitting infornt of my com sending out resumes to all logistic companies for the past freaking days and not even one replied to it. I'm getting more and more depressed. Anybody has a job for me??? My cash is deteriorating. Morever i hate sitting at home and be a housewife. It sucks BIG time! Now it's 10.45am and I'm not even bathe yet! My house as usual it's a mess. My gawd they treat me like a maid. I couldn't wait for my full-time job.

Anyhoos ITE roadshow went off with a BANG! I sang for the whole 2 days, the songs I believe i can fly and Seasons of love. I gotten myself some nice surprises...Shera came down with Jori and watched our performance on sat w/o telling us. I was so shocked when she tapped me on the shoulder and i nearly shrieked out loud. I hugged her so ever tightly. Asha was also speechless, we were giving huggies to each other. The three goodfriends.. I forgotten that we had a tiff months ago.. That's what friends are for.. Thank You gerl for coming down. Well another pleasant surprise was Hakim dropped by with Zuh aka Spanker aka Bestie's Boyfriend. He's such a sweet guy and very quiet too. Well, i juz met him therefore nothing much that i could say EXCEPT for he LOVES shopping. Hoho. You shud see how he browsed meticulously the racks of Zara and Topman. He could be my shopping partner. Hoho. Then Sun i had a bad sore throat and i thought i could escaped from the stage but they won't let me. My confidence was dipping low and Bestie wasn't there to give me the boost but i gave myself a self-motivational talk. I went thru it smoothly eventhough i jus lip-sync. Jun was there too. Babe I missed you like crazy we shud hangout again!! And ur hair is getting longer.Hoho. So off to by the river and yada yada yada. I'm so shagged to type and i need to get my tired ass off the chair coz its a loong day ahead.

So love y'all.

I'm in a deep confusion state of mind.

Screamo

2007-03-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

I'M PISSED WITH A CAPITAL PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
THING DIDN'T GO MY WAY AND IT SUCKS TO THE CORE!

CinderJannah

2007-03-01T08:41:00.000+08:00

Im rotting at home and i'm learning to be a housewife. Now i understand what Momma had gone thru everytime she sweeped, washed , mopped and sprayed our everyday-messy-home. Morever Momma is a working mother and she must be exhausted from her work and she has to do MORE work at home.
I've been at home for the past 3 days and everytime i opened my eyes in the morning, i prayed that my home is not being hit by the tornado current. Unfortunately for the past 3 days, my house was a terrible mess! After cleaning up myself and had breakfast, I will started off with washing dishes. I hate washing dishes because the disgusting leftover foods and also the pots and pans from ytd dishes smelt so awful that i had to bite my tongue and breathe through my mouth. My fingers will always get the residue from it. Yucks! Then i put the laundry inside the washing machine. I thanked whoever who invented the washing machine because it's a miracle. I can't imagine life w/o washing machine.. We had to washed with our hands and must squat and bend ourselves just like the kampung days. Then i will sweeped my house from the balcony to the living room, our bedrooms and the dining room b4 continuing to the kitchen. Not 4getting b4 sweeping i had to wipe the tables to let thedust dropped to the floor. Then i will proceed to cooking, my all-time favourites. On monday i cooked Dalcah daging(beef) while ytd i just fried chicken wings with soya sauce and today i made sambal fish. I love cooking but i hate washing the main ingredients especially the fishes. I often made a bloody mess and got myself poke by the bones. Usually, my mom if she wanted me to cook she will help me to wash the fishes and i will handle the rest. As it's a tedious work to do and we had to scrapped out the scales and cut out the gills and so whatever. My Momma is a pro in 15mins, she had the fishes ready for me to cook. Just now, i took almost 45mins to clean the fishes. I had to make sure every dirty stuff in the fishes' body had to be extracted which resolve to the fishes getting squashed and squeaky clean. :D
I had no problem with meats and chickens becoz it as easy as 123 to clean it. Just pulled off the fats and poked the veinsto make the blood ozzed out and washed it with salt. That's why when sometimes u experienced eating chicken wings with blood due to not poking the veins to let out the blood to drained itself. When u didn't do that, the blood stays inside it no matter how chao tar u cooked!
And when i finally can put my arse on the sofa at freaking 2pm!!! And mind u, i always wake up the latest is at 9am becoz if aft 10am, my whole day mood will be utterly grouchy and u won't like it.
Today was the day i woke up late at 10.30am!
To add to my grouchiness was my bro who didn't go to school! I was mad! From the time i woke up till now he was infront of the blardy computer playing games!! and time checked now is 4.27pm!!! ANd becoz of that i can't freaking send my resume!!!! Blardy fark!
Doesn't mean his the only son he should take the advantage to play the computer. Ytd when i reached home ard 11pm, he was also infront of the com till late1am! And he could still continues until now! I'm freaking angry but i couldn't say anything coz the shouting and the slamming of fist will begins. He as the only son , he should be MORE RESPONSIBLE. Do u know his not working now. He still asked my parents for money!!!.He only knows how to use the computer , watched the tv and sleep till late. He is such a lazy bum!. I wondered if he ever think about his future. My dad can still give faces to him. I donnoe when he will change to be more BERPENDIRIAN AND BERTANGGUNGJAWAB. He should earn his own money! It's shameful becoz at his age now (18) , i was already finacially independent becoz i knew our family budget is quite tight and i would save my salary for my wants instead of just putting my hands up for money. Not only that my 2nd sis who is 17 had also been working for the past 3 years.
He also sholud put in consideration that our bill is piling up and he should stop playing games and work and earn money!!!!!!!!
I'm so disappointed with him.
Maybe this is the meaning of girls matured more easily than boys. That's why we understand the meaning of HARDSHIP AND RESPONSIBILTY.
I just hope he will change ASAP. Or he go and die.

Cold hard truth

2007-02-28T05:42:00.000+08:00

A bird is flying south for the winter and as it so cold, the bird dropped to the ground frozen. While waiting to die, a passing cow suddenly shit on the bird. Without realising, the dung actually make the bird warm. As the bird is happy to be alive again, it started to whistle happily. Out of nowhere a cat heard the sound and tried to investigate. It found out that the bird is whistling in the cowdung and started to dig and ate the bird up.

The Moral of the story???

1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) And Not everyone who digs you out from the shits is your friend.
3) And also if you are in deep shit, please keep your mouth shut!!

Ive learnt a valuable lesson here. I've been bitten and the wound is still there not wanting to clear.
It's upsetting and i'm stupid and gullible for believing you.
BITCH!

Up in the sky above

2007-02-27T15:39:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling lethargic lately and also been missing something or someone. I could not put my finger on it. Nowadays im staring into spaces and whatsoever not. It's like im floating aimlessly.I couldn't bring myself back to earth. I wonder why..

For every beginning there's an ending

2007-02-24T15:15:00.000+08:00

As i mentioned, it was like a dream come true..
Yeah i was starstruck but not OTT. I still can maintain my coolness.
What i meant by the phrase was.. This was the 1st time i joined a contest, lucky draw or just some random winnings and I WON!
It was totally unbelievable. I got a ride with Justin the bleached duo of the muttons in thr morning 987fm. Luckily i didn't hyperventiliate when i stepped into the black honda. I sat beside him. All the way to my destination, we chatted and laughed. He's one funny guy, always joking around and commenting stuff. My cheeks hurt due to the grinning from ear to ear. It was amazing.. So marvellous!
Big thanks to Yaqyn and MyBro who tuned in on Wednesday and thursday respectively when i was on air and Bro even recorded it for me!

Dun mind the ~~lightrays~~starstruck..

************

Then i was on air and now my face was shown on National teevee! Can u say A.W.E.S.O.M.E! I suddenly got attack by dozens of msgs, mostly was "Hey! Ur on teevee!" and "I saw you" while others was "Oit Mentel ehk kau!" and "Maintain arr jgn over sgt" Well.. I know u're just jealous because i look photogenic on teevee. Ahakz ;D. And yeah that were some compliments, i received that the camera looves me..But despite all the hoos-haas, we were disturbed by the result but itu semua adalah adat pertandingana ada yang kalah ada yang menang.. Everybody was shocked that D2K didn't get through.. Believe me.. The atmosphere suddenly became tense when they weren't the Top3 on the list. We looked as if we were mourning. And i guessed it's shown on teevee as the camera flew passed Us. I tried to avoid it coz when i looked pissed, i'm very F.U.G.L.Y. Unfortunately it was too late to turn away coz i received calls saying "to try not 2 become like a siao char boa" hhmmppphh!!! Don't be disheartened ok! The fans please have faith and i knew they could make thru the wildcards round and do VOTE for them..

*************

I bid Griffin Kinetic gdbye approximately around 6.05pm. I was sad to leave the place for good but neither i wanna stay there. Everything happened so fast.. Four monts ago, i thought i would rot there but now i walked out alive. I'm going to miss my Jln Ampas Ahlian and Ahbeng , the muslim nasi ayam stall , the temporary whampoa market, bus 8 and bus 145 which brings me there and of coz the lack of sleep.

The Jln Ampas Gangsta!

I try my best to put the knowledge that i had learn in good way..Insyallah.

In the end

2007-02-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

Boohoo.. 2dae is my last day of attachment. I hate to admit it but i'm gonna miss this place.
I know i'm always complaining about the duration, the place , the people and also the pay.
About how the times passed ever so slooow , about the 4mths felt like 4years but now everything has ended. I'm going to leave this place 4 good. The only things that remained in me is the experiences i gained , the friendship that i made and the truth about work life.
Goodbye Griffin Kinetic! I will use all the knowledge for future references.

* Dancefloor was great thou the result was disappointing. Don't be disheartened guys! There's the wildcard rounds and i'm keeping my fingers crossed. Upcoming post with lotsa pics in the evening!

* The ride with Justin from the muttons in the morning 987fm was awesome!
Definitely a dream come true :)

A wondefrul feeling

2007-02-22T04:37:00.000+08:00

What to start a lazy day with a smile on my face.
Never could i imagine early in the morning , goodlucks befall on me. Alhamdullilah!
Guess what baby!
I won a breakfast and a ride to work tmr with The Muttons of perfect 10!!
U heard it right baby! I won the ride with the 98.7fm car! Woohoo!
They will fetch me tmr at 8am under my void deck.. Coolness!

It's becoz the deejays asked who wants a free ride to work or school , together with breakfast and a copy of TODAY newspaper, send in an sms ur reasons why. And the most creative will ride away with it.. I smsed my reason to try my luck:
Becoz tmr is my last day of internship at faraway land toa payoh and i also don wanna mess-up my clothing for the dancefloor result show later.
20mins later i got a call from them, I was in the bus otw to work. My heart thumped so loud, i guessed the person sitting next to me could hear it. I was esctactic.
It was also my 1st time on air and luckily i don't sound to OTT or nervous. Finally i could hear my own voice..Ahakz very the cutish..
But sadly noe of my friends and families heard me on air so it was wasted!
They asked me about the Dancefloor and they thought i'm performing but i told them it was my musical mates the D2K duo who will compete and we are supporting them.. Ahakz! and i asked them to vote for them..I do some promoting for u guys ehk..

So yeah that's bout it and i'm still shaking with excitement :D

Anyhoos i received an angpow from the company. I donnoe how much but it's thick! Another good luck.. i hope it will maintain till end of the week and the next and everyday of my life..

So what's next?? Shopping!!!!!

The Getaway

2007-02-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

Hey Lovelies! I'm Back.
All safe and sound..
I hope it's not to late to wish my chinese friends and readers
A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

I'm too jaded so to cut a long story short.. Enjoy the pics..

cravings and JB

2007-02-17T16:03:00.000+08:00

I had a major cravings today.
I wanted to buy the brownie from taka which was recomended by Faiz eons ago. My mind kept thinking the soft and creamy bites. It's the double rocky road with chocolate fudge. But i was 2 tired to go there and i thot maybe i could get something similiar. And i decided 2 get it from Q-bread though it's totally different. The Q-bread brownie was just a normal one with chunky peanuts. Once i get there , i excited that i could fianlly sastified my tastebud.. to my horror! they didn't bake any 4 dat day becoz CNY is coming and.. It sucks! I had 2 substitute 2 buying a chocolate waffle :( I was so disappointed.

I'm balik-ing kampung today! I need a short break:)

Cleo Bachelors

2007-02-14T12:13:00.000+08:00

To the left...To the left..

Well the picture explains it all..

For a better View , Buy urself CLEO March Edition.

The $4.20 is worth every single cents because there are 50 eligibles Bachelors to drool at.. Hehe ;)
But remember to give extra lick to Number 12!

2007-02-13T02:38:00.000+08:00

You're

~~Irreplaceable~~

REPLACEABLE.

Cinta

2007-02-12T14:09:00.000+08:00

Aku junjung petuamu cintai dia yang mencintaimu

Being strong after u left me

2007-02-11T16:15:00.000+08:00

Although I walked away leaving a trail of tears , I kept telling myself that you are not worth my sadness. You are not worth every steps that i take to meet you. You are the one at the losing end because you let me go. The girl that you will never ever find in your entire life. You may make me cry , you may broke my heart but i'm strong enough to let you know that i'm NOT going to waste my precious time pondering on you. You are just a passerby in my life. You come and go. We say hello and bid goodbyes. I hope one day you get your retribution.
I'm strong enough to forget about you.

Am I?

A day in the life of TTSH

2007-02-09T03:06:00.000+08:00

A day in the life of TTHS(Tan Tock Seng hospital).

I was feeling nauseous and shortness of breath but i ignored it maybe due to anger. I was having a bad morning at work. They expected me to do stuff which they don't assist me in. I overheard umptheemth time my name was mentioned in their convo. So watever! I'm lazy to entertain this kind of ppl. They thought i was throwing tantrums becoz when they spoke to me , i wasn't making any eye contact or i was silent throughout the whole instruction. Therefore i guessed when i fainted , to them it was all make-believes. I'm not jumping to conclusion but how they reacted 2 it , can be read.

It all began before lunch. I was tidying up the table and i stood up after nearly 3hrs just sitting down and hunching my back to write the greeting cards. Suddenly i just felt dizzy and i could feel the floor moving. And also i badly need to go to the toilet so i cautiously walked. I washed my face and my eyesight was blur. I knew i was also experiencing some palpitation and my mind i would collaspe anytime. Luckily i din blackout in the middle of the parking cargoes or i would be like a pancake. I'm able to make it 2 my office and BOOM! i collaspe infront of my colleagues. It was very embarrasing. I could hear their slow reaction , i was hyperventiliating by the time. And i was like my saliva and mucus was dripping. It was HUMILIATING. So if they thought i was faking it , Masyallah! I just donnoe what to say..

But they called the ambulance , i din wanna go to the hospital but the paramedics forced me to. Nobody accompanied me , i was like a fool inside the ambulance. I never encountered this before , therfore i was like a lost child. The ride made me more dizzy than before. They interrogated , i told them what i experiencing but i was wondering whether i should tell them about my knees but i knew it had nothing to do with it. So i was sitting in the stroller like a gundu answering their questions with my head spinning. Did i mentioned that One of the paramedic , is a cute-looking malay guy. heee ;). He was the one who pricked my fore-finger to take my blood to measures and patted my face with wet tissues. I looked so Fugly becoz i was pespiring. I was cursing myself upside-down for not wearing any makeup but luckily i did not wear a skirt or someting that would flashed me.Haha.

Well.. The fun has just started or should i say embarrasement. Upon reaching the hospital , i declined the offer to be pushed out. I told them i could walk but they were reluctant , they gave in but with only a short-distance walk because i need to be strapped in in the stoller and there's one waiting for me nearby. I should just listen to them becoz it's a wrong move! To my horror , the bed was in the middle of the payment counter and i need to climb in and laid there infront of the public! I was covering my face , people was looking in to see what was happening.

Haiyoh! Typical Singapore! So kaypoh!.

Then i was wheeled into a room where I was attended by a couple of nurses which from their uniforms , i knew they were attachment students from NYP. They fussed over me and i hate the attention becoz i did not know how to react with it morever i was already fine and alert with my surroundings. Anyways there is this good-looking attachment guy attended me. If u watched Dancefloor ytd , the 2nd group-freestyler , he looked exactly like the malay dancer , only he wore spectacles. Hmm.. At first he called me Kak(elder sister). I told u i looked like a mother of 3.Haha. But i never said anything. He had to check my head for abrasions and he was massaging my head. I tensed up to his touch( dun think dirty plz) and he kept repeating ,

"Do u feel pain here or here? , Tell me becoz i'm afraid u knocked ur head when u fainted" I shook my haed becoz i felt so self-consciuos becoz ytd was the once in a blue moon where i didn't watched my hair.Paiseh! I hope there's no flakes or smell.Haha. He also took my temperature. They questioned me whether these past few days i'm shitting alot or severe vomitting , drug allergies , my last mensuration. I didn't tell them that it has been a couple of weeks that my head throbbed and my left eyes is stingy. I was afraid to becoz it doesn't concerned them. Morever i'm thinking about the hospital payment , it's a burden if i can't pay it. So i just kept quiet. I regretted it now. I should just inform them . I'm afraid i have tumour in my brain. Allahualam. Mudah2 takder ape2. Then i was put by the corridor and i called my Momma up which i wished i shouldnt. I was so disappointed , she nvr show any ounce of panicky in her voice. I felt like crying , i wondered if i actually matters to her. She got the news from my bro and my bro called her up. The both of them didn't take any initaive to call me. What happen if it's a much more serious case? I think i die alone w/o my close ones knowing about it. Becoz of that i didn even called up my friends , i teared up becoz i felt so lonely. By the time i was already in dazed becoz they plugged me to all kind of machines. I was stripped topless as they need to check to my heartbeat. I watched as they pinned those wires around my left breast and chest and also my ankle. It was a painless procedure but my dignity was stripped clean. They whispering to each other and i knew something was wrong. I got a glimpse of the printed paper graph and i saw abnormal. So i questioned them whether i'm fine to be home and they assured me , i will after the doctor gave me the permission. I was put by the side of the corridor. It was amazing as i observed the drama unfold infront of me. So many people came in to the emergency section. I thought they handled cases ard 10 people a day. But from what 1 see i estimated ard 30people getting outpatient treatment. A lot of them were elderly people , i knew from experience that these aged people fell down or slipped and fracture their limbs. As this is my virgin experience , i didn't take a full advantage of the attention or the service. The man beside me slept and snored! while I was getting restless and frustrated as i waited for the doctor. I hate Hospital! The yummy-looking guys(nurses)are the one that gave me the reason to love hospital apart from the smell. Then the doctor came to take bloodtest from me. One whole tube! My face scrunched up and I was already cringing. I was told him i don want becoz i would cry infront of everyone including the handsome nurse but he told me to relax and thats when i started to hyperventiliate. I could heard them sniggering at me. Pure Humiliation! I don wanna to face them anymore. Luckily i don and they pushed me inside the observation ward. It was occupied mostly by grandparents. I was the only young patient.I'm mentally young but physically old. Allah please help me.. So i spent another unrested waiting time and i was discharged in the evening. I went home alone , nobody fetched me. I'm having self-pity moment as i watched their relatives was there to pay for the medication or watsoever. I wasn't given any medicines becoz i didn't take any bloodtest which they will know if im having some illness. They given me 2 days MC and a letter of appointment.

I hope it's nothing serious.. Pray for my well-being...

My new uber accesories.

alienated

2007-02-05T09:38:00.000+08:00

Have u ever felt left out when u entered a room filled with people??
I did , it was so awkward and i never felt so alienated in my whole life.
Sadly the room i was in were filled with familiar faces whom i used to be friends with 3mths ago.
I walked in and I could only manage a weak smile. The air in the room was kinda suffocating , i just wanna ran out and leave. But i cleared away the negative thoughts and pretended that nothing happened.
The only one who welcomed me with open arms was Luqman.
It was the weirdest moment in my life.
All the way , i was minding my own business. I was afraid to make any conversation. As soon as the practice ended , i rushed out and i could finally breathe easily.

In a happier notes , I met bestie for some girl-talk b4 proceeding meeting her Bf. We spent the precious 2hr giggling , bitching and story-telling. She pulled me along to have some window-shopping with Zuh and her. I declined because i don wanna be a busybody. But sweet Zuh personally asked me to tag along. I raised my eyebrow in unbelievable. He does not mind and i jokingly answered back ,"Betol ke , kau dun mind , skali dlm hati sheesh Jannah nie penyibuk ajer!" and the three of us burst out laughing.
I felt comfortable with Zuh , I can get along well with Him unlike the previous Bf of my Bestie. Asha was elated and she linked arms with the both of us. " My Boyfriend is a Leo and My Bestfriend is a Leo" I'm happy for her , she found The One. They're even planning of getting engaged , Alhamdullilah , I prayed for her and Zuh. Anyway as we strolled,I was so self-conscious becoz ppl was staring at me(or was it my conscience). I made sure i didn't walked closely with them , it was so uncomfortable. But the lovebirds was fine with it.
I heard about a new popular Donut Shop at Raffles. The queue was superlong , maybe next time. New shops sprung everywhere and sales was on. Damn! I could only salivate. I had "fun" feasting my eyes on the sales banner.

Happy notes

2007-02-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

Macam biskut sekejap ade , sekejap takder.
~~Men~~ I still don't get it. Men are unpredictable creatures , just like the weather.
When i didn't msg him , he wants me to take the initiative 2 msg him and now when i've done it , he didn't reply to my msg. Sheessh.
I don't understand at all.
I miss hearing his voice. When was the last time we talked?
It was yesterday. I miss You
I miss you like crazy.

I regretted cutting my hair. It's utterly short as in neck-length short. Most of u have yet 2 see my hair including my bestie. She gonna screamed at me for not telling her. Haha.
I can't flipped , twist and curled my hair. When i saw those LHGs , i tensed up in envy bcoz i used to have that hair! Faster grow longer.
Short hair suxs! Dun mind the SHGs out there ;)
Of coz now its a bit longer but hate it coz my hair flipped out!
Those 80s hairstyle where the hair waved up. It's so fugly!
At home i was teased the a-go-go girl.
Everytime i walked out from home , i would always scrunched my hair down becoz I don wanna look like the girl in Mars Attack.

In a happier notes , My saturday leave has been approved!!
No longer working on saturdays which means longer sleeping hours! Yeahness!

Who need enemies , when u have friends like them

2007-01-31T12:40:00.000+08:00

Who need enemies when you have friends like them.

I just can't intepret her. She alwaes complained that she's lack of friends. She exclaimed that her poly mates hate her and the only remaining friends that she had were from secondary school that is me and my bestie. She alwaes mentioned that she' s a lousy friend and i had to reassured her that she is not bcoz for me She's a generous and unselfish person. I've know her from secondary one which is equivalent to 7yrs of friendship thou we seldom see each other , we contacted via MSN.
But now , i see her in a different view . I see her in the eyes of her "mates". Now i understand why they kept their distance from her.
We went out a few weeks ago becoz she was desperately need a change of wardrobe bcoz her long-distance boyfriend(He's from Finland) is coming down to celebrate their 1 year anniversary.( Congratulations) The last time , was during Teachers' Day 2005.
To cut a loong story short ; She was looking for a "motivational" partner to accompany her to some aerobic class.It's a suprise for her Mr J. She wanted to look good upon his arrival.
She dragged me to join her and i agreed since i was also looking for someone 2 accompany me to join this kinda thing.
Anyway , she was the one who suggested going to AMORE and we enquired some doubtfulness b4 sitting down at starbucks and excitedly discussing about which class should we take.
I repetitively asked her whether she really wanna join AMORE bcoz i knew that She's
a short-attention span person."hangat-hangat tahi ayam"
She replied and reassured me that she really wanna join. So i told her to promise bccause i had alot of doubts on her coz in secondary school she blew me off a couple of times and it's getting annoying and upsetting. I thought she had changed her ways but i'm wrong! A leopard will never change it's spot.
As we didn't have enough cash , we decided to meet again in a few days time to register.
She couldn't make it on that day and she asked me to enrol first becoz she can't come out from her house. She will go 2 Eastpoint to make the registration. So i went w/o suspecting anything and paid 50bucks deposit. I couldnt' wait to join the latin dance. I wanna groove to the sexy music. I was excited.
So i caught her in MSN a couple of days and she didn't nudge me or anything so i decided to bring up the subject. She apologised and made reasons that our lessons were so damned far and blablabla. I watched in anger as she typed ALL OF HER LAME EXCUSES. I dropped the bomb and told her everything from A- Z. "Who is the one who is so psyched wanna join AMORE???"
"Who is the one who reassured me that she will go??" " I don care i already made the payment and u must register ASAP". I was mad. She broke her promises and she had the cheek to say that she really wanna join only that she don't have time for it. Again she promised. She told me that she will msg me as soon as she register. She's my friend and friends give and take , So i waited like a gundu. Days became weeks and i never received any msgs from her and i saw her in MSN one fine day and pestered her again. These time round it was that she had to study for her exams and she didn't have the time to go. WTH! I told her off that she DIE2 must join bcoz she made a promise and asked me 2 go 1st to register. I donnoe what happened to her and i just gotten a very upsetting news.
My bestie told me that she didn't want to go out with me anymore , due to I'M MAD with her!
I mean who wouldn't blardy fark sia!
Of coz , ANYBODY WHO HAPPENS TO BE IN MY SHOE WILL BE ANGRY. SHE BAD-MOUTHED ME THAT BECOZ SHE DIDN'T WANT TO JOIN AMORE AND IT WAS MY IDEA THAT I WANNA JOIN THE AEROBICS LESSON. I WAS APPALLED. I TOLD MY BESTIE IT WAS HER WHO PICKED UP THE BROCHURE AND FORCED ME TO JOIN. I STILL REMEMBER WHAT SHE SAID" I WANNA JOIN CARDIOBLITZ AKA CB ,COZ I HEARD THEY TONED DOWN THE LOWER BODY" AND I JOKINGLY SAID "HOW ABOUT UPPERBODY? , MY BOOBS TOO BIG"
"JANNAH , PLZ2 JOIN WITH ME"
SHE EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO ASK MY BESTIE OUT LAST SUN AND WHEN I ASKED HER OUT TO REGISTER FOR THAT AMORE SHE EXCUSED HERSELF SAYING SHE HAD TO PREPARE FOR SOME BOGUS STUFF.
SHE SAID HER MR J DIDN'T ALLOWED HER TO JOIN BLABLABLA.
I just don have anything more to comment. Now it's either i lost my 5obucks or shake my booty alone there which i have to fork out another 90bucks. She made my dream of getting slimmer vanished. The feeling is miserable.

************

I nominated him for the search of males model for a top female magazine. I knew he has the chances to go through. He has the potential and he also had experiences for some modelling and i decided to send an application for him. HE MADE IT TO THE FINALS.

He didn't acknowledged me when he was being short-listed for the photoshoot which is actually the semi-finals where we had to vote for him to enter the finals. I wasn't the first one to know , i don't even know how many ppl he annouced to b4 he told me. I was hurt but I didn't question him anything. Anyways , his photo went up and i dragged every of my friends and colleagues to vote for him and alhamdullilah he was chosen to be in the final lists. He called me up one day and both of us were excited.I congratulate him and told him to make the best of it bcoz my role ends here , the rest will be his hardwork. From that day onwards , i never hear any updated new about him and it has been a month.I was getting restless and i decided to read his email which he approved me off.He had to go for some briefing and his photos will appear in some websites. I called him and asked about it.. i mean i have the rights 2 know becoz he promised that he will updated me and msg me if there are some progress..but i detected some unhappiness in his tone when i questioned him about it.He asked me whether i already i gotten my gift vouchers bcoz his mate's girlfriend already received it , i brushed him off saying it's not all about that. We end our convo. I felt bad instantly for being too judgemental. Maybe he was tired , that's why he didn't have the mood. I msged him and told him to asked the editors of the magazine but he didn't reply which add to more disturbing thoughts. I tried to think positive , mayb becoz due to his contract he had to be discreet about the whole thing.

But i was upset , alot of thoughts went through my mind. Of coz , i kept asking why he didn't acknowledged me or tell me anything. Why wasn't he thankful or grateful that becoz of me he gotten himself in this priviledge position. All i want is a thank you from Fahmy,that he is grateful becoz i made his dream come true..

mixed feelings

2007-01-28T16:14:00.000+08:00

he didn't blocked me.

going downhill

2007-01-27T15:22:00.000+08:00

The weather for these two days matched my mood , all gloomy. It's pouring non-stop while i tried to contain my tears from spilling. It get worser as the time passed. I hope tommorow the sun will shine and my luck will change to the better.
It all started yesterday noon , I found out someone blocked me from MSN.( i can't confirmed anything but i guessed from it that he blocked me) If he does really blocked me , i'm disappointed by his reaction. It's childish . Seriously if we wanna avoid me , this is not the way.
Throughout the day , i was upset and once i reached home i slept on it and. But the worse was to come. The next morning(2day) , all of us were running late and my bro at the eleventh hour decided to hang his clothes. The kitchen lights were already switched off and he had 2 on it again , by the time my famiy went out and left me alone with him. I was checking the other rooms appliances and he left me alone and walked out of the house w/o switching off the lights!!!
So irresponsible!! I shouted for him but he ignored me as usual.
blardy farker! Isn't that a normal reaction when u started something , u should end it and not leave it lying ard. So i forgotten bout it as soon as i reached work but the inevitable happened , Someone went and told my Supervisor and mentor that i love Changi Cargo Complex because they are gd-looking policemen patrolling. My face changed as soon as they broached the subject. I didn't denied that becoz it's true and it's becoz of the food also. But for the workplace itself , i have yet 2 experience the surrounding becoz i only spend the 3 days there , nothing much for me to observe.
But b4 that , i msged Fiza to meet her and she didn't reply me till aft lunch hour bcoz she switched off her hp. By the time , steams could be seen coming from my ear and i guessed it showed on my expression becoz a colleague commented on it.
I hate it when i msged someone they don reply or they replied a few hours later. It alwaes put a frown on my face. I mean what's the use of having hp when u didn't use it to it's full advantage. And if u don have e mood to have a convo , Please be polite by acknowledging back so that u won't keep the person waiting!.Haiz. Might as well u hang a payphone ard ur neck if u too lazy to typed the reply. Doink!
I was already gritting my teeth when i went leace the office bcoz she replied my msgs half-way and i initiated by calling her. She was with the rest and i don wanna meet the rest including Him. I just wanna meet her so it was cancelled. So i waited for the bus infront of the MRT station and i took 61 which i knew it's final destination is at Eunos Interchange. I was too lazy to walk towards my usual bustop which is at the other junction. Wrong Move! The blardy bus 61 went one whole round upwards to where i started , only turning 3 stops b4 my workplace.Not to mention there was a huge jam! and the paced was tortoise-like. I was shaken with anger , anytime i could just burst out crying. I was screaming inside and i felt like hitting the lady beside me. I was already clutching my fist and i could see the knuckles turned white. If u were in my shoes at that moment , You would had gone berserk. I was trying to think positive and i told myself i would reached soon but reality checked , it was a long drive. All i could do was heeding my mom's advices , by any chance if i met with this unfortunate situation just chanted Allah prayers. By the time , i found myself at a similar plc so instead of dropping at the interchange , i alighted where i could get the bus to my home. Time checked 7.47pm as i boarded bus 65 and it was crowded. And another misfortune befall on me. this time i was scared stiffed. As it was crowded , there would be pushing and shoving. I guessed everyone's moods was thining and suddenly a "verbal" fights broke off. It was exactly behind me. Two men , a chinese and malay. The malay man started first , he went" Can u stop pushing! , Plz be patience lah" and the chinese man was taken aback and answered , " Where got pushed!" By the the corner fo my left eye i could see that the malay man was tall-built and dressed in black but i couldn't made out the chinese man. I was frightened that a fight would broke and weapons would be introduced. Im squashed between them and i'll be the first to get hit. The shouts became louder and every1 in the bus was quiet and were staring at them. I was closing my eyes and praying. I was annoyed why didn't the bus captain stopped and interfered them or kicked them out of the bus for the safety of the other passengers. Luckily the malay man alighted aft 2 stops but it felt like 200 stops later.
I was still trembling even as i alighted at my destination. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that i didn't realised there was a big concrete and i stubbed my toes and i skidded down the slope and broke my sandals' strap. The feeling was heinous. i was already giving up becoz the whole day , i was slapped with bad luck one after another. I wondered was i born under the unlucky stars and was jinxed by it. All i ever face was disappointment , infuriation and sadness. Everyday i would encountered atleast 1 unhappy situation that would leave me wounded. Eventhough small , it gave a big impact on me becoz all my life never i had a insult-free , commentless or liberated feeling in a day. I would be cheerful in the beginning and ended up with a tragedy.
I know It's a sin because as a muslim , we must have faith in Alaah, for every bad or good that happen there's a blessing in disguise(hikmah). But i searched and i couldn't find any reasons for it.
Mom alwaes mentioned " There are ppl out there who experienced much more worser than u",
" U are healthy , u don have kidney failure or lack of parents' love".
I felt guilty everytime she mentioned it but i brushed it off becoz they don have multiple misfortunete on them. Unlike mine , I have alot which is too personal to be discussed.
I'm alwaes in my head thinking and i would get myself more confused.
Momma told me not to think about it much becoz(Her religious talk) and the only way to refrain from it happening is to follow the Islamic Way, is to seek forgiveness by praying.
And i seek her advice , and a wash of calmness was bestowed on me..
The feeling was undescrible.. I wasn't feeling angry , annoyed , sad or whatsoever.
It was beautiful..
I didn't even tell Momma and Pops what i had encountered and let the matter slids off my mind..

A choice which i was forced to make

2007-01-26T12:33:00.000+08:00

Due to my ithcing fingers , i changed my oh-so-beautiful and meaningful url
http://-more-than-words.blogspot to something that is oh-so-immature. U are viewing one now. For the time being i have to use this url bcoz im tinking of a new one which suits me and my writing style. I regretted it hokays! Now all my darlinks have to relink me over n over again.
Anyhoos as u might see , my profile is freaking empty. I have yet to find the time to update it , once u changed ur whole skin u had to do it all over again. I wondered if anyone read my blog.
Straight to the point , The musical mates are getting together again to showcase their talent to the public. they will be performing at two venues , there are Marina Square and Meridien Hotel in March. Isn't it exciting! The only problem , I'M NOT PART OF IT!.
I was upset and disappointed bcoz i'm unable to join them due to my "commitment" to attachment.

My Kanchiong teacher didn't allow me becoz she pointed out that she had enough of nonsense from me. I was like WTH. KNN , CCB!! I retaliated becoz i couldn't listen anymore to her endless jibes. She said that she has high expectation from me and i disappointed her.
We had our heated argument on the phone , it all started with that she asked for 2 days saturday PAID leave for my friend ONLY. I was appalled. It's UNFAIR. When i questioned her why , she stuttered unable to ans. Racist bitch! Then she started blabbling bring up past subjects such as why i didn't come to school and i alwaes come to her for last min revision. Why i go and join Musical.I was horrified. I was truly mad by the time.
And i fired her back , "i thought u understand my position. Isn't that a job of a teacher , to teach , to install values. A teacher should never give up on her student eventhough they had gave-up on the themself. Morever unlike ur rebellious students , i came to you becoz i believe i want 2 pass my examinations. I don't want to waste my 2 yrs in ITE. You shoud not put high expectations on me. Why must u?? To tell u the truth most of ur student dislike u and i tried to reason with them. Is it fair for me to endure all this jibes and u believing ur own sources instead of having a talk with me. I've been keeping mummed all this while bcoz i don wanna 2 be stamped as disobedient and rude but eventhough i didn't do that , u still blacklisted me. It's NOT because of MUSICAL. I get involved in Musical way b4 the attachment starts. That's my passion. And is it my fault that it clashed with my attachment. U are just trying to save ur position that's why u blame me for all of this. I was on the verge of crying.
I don noe whether she was listening or not. I guessed she wouldn't. She only cares about her ass.
Bitch!

Babes Nite Out

2007-01-21T10:45:00.000+08:00

Turkish Restaurant-SOFRA boast a cozy ambience and tantalising food. A place where all couples out there should go for dinner. The place was packed ytd when My friends and i went to have dinner cum Diana's 21st bdae Celebration. I had a marvellous time. It was my 1st time going to that kind of place. I was awed by the surroundings. From executives to expatriates to students , the place is where you wanna to be seen.Haha.Not to mention those HOT waiters who served us. There are NO waitresses. So you could guess how we salivating and feasting our eyes on those cute guys =p. The price there starting from 8.90 for kebab rice or Pide(somekind of pita bread). The food were delicious. I had a hard time choosing prior to my fickle-mindedness. I ended buying chicken kebab rice. The shredded chicken was juicy and tender. The spices was aromatic. Emilyn and Diana ordered Lamb Pide and Chicken Pide respectively while April i can't rmbred what was it but it had tons of cheesy filling and meat.Yum!
Fyqa came down with her boyfriend while we were finishing our food. So we had to wait for her but we had a distraction ,we ordered a chocolate pudding which cost an exorbitant $4.70!!.
It was pathetic. 4 girls sharing a small cup of pudding.Haha. Budget lah!
It was time to catch up since the last time we met was way before the attachment started. Every1 was busy and i missed them all. Sadly Huiyun and Fel couldn't make it so it was incomplete Babes. Well another One mth 2 go and I'll be FREE!!!

*waiting for our seats*

*Still waiting*

*Gorgeous setting*

*Light up my life*

*Emilyn's lamb pide*

*My kebab rice*

*Chocolate Pudding , now u see it*

*Now u don't , goner in mere secs*

*Emilyn n Me*

*Diana N April*

*Lurve u babes*

Happenings

2007-01-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

Pffft.
Ive been transfered to Changi Cargo Complex = Rider's working there = Bumping into Rider = I'm dead!!!
I've been avoiding him and i guessed he realise that(which is Good!) and he didn't msg me for this past few days.
But God knows what will happen if he found out that i'm working there now.
Surely there will be a huge confrontation.
I hope and pray that we will not meet eye to eye.

Touch the future

2007-01-19T14:34:00.000+08:00

I have many issues to discuss about. About love and relationships , secrets and Future.
These subjects opened up my mind and i'm willing to share , if you are willing to read without judging.
But first i would like to welcome you readers to my humble , not-yet-again new blog add.
I've got short-attention span therefore i can't really concentrate on something that is too long-winded.
Morever the only person who has my new add is my bestie and if you(Yes You!) happened to read this post , you actually went to my bestie bloggie and clicked on my name. I'm touched.
Thank you for searching high and low for my profile ;p.

These past few days it has been a thinking period for me not that i never ponder on something before(real hard). I also knew too much and i can't handle stuff that had been revolving ard me.
I've been thinking alot about my future lately as im graduating soon. I already had what i want in my mind ,that is NOT to continue Poly and work and earn money ASAP.
I've planned to join the Shipping Industry.
If u watched The Peak in Channel 8 every weekdays , you will understand what i'm talking about. ( Actually i nvr watched that show at all , i just saw the advertisement.Haha)
Morever Im having a 4mths stint in a freight forwarding company which handles ship spares.
They also serviced transportation , Warehousing , Inventory handling , Export and Import.
You won't understand this terms unless you are in the LogisticHub. And i don't wish to explain myself because i knew you will still go "Huh?"
I'm glad that i've chosen this course and i hope there are opening doors of oppurtunity for me after i graduate.
I firmly told myself that i will work for a year to earn and save money before enrolling myself in Private Diploma.
But suddenly i had some doubts and it all started yesterday. I received an email from April , it's about the qualification courses in Poly. Later at night , My babes and I had a conference about it. Everyone wanted to go Poly and i was the odd one out. They were stunned why i didn't wanna continue and i told my reasons. They tried to make me changed my mind but i reassured them that everyone has a choice and i already choose mine. Only two of us wanna stay in the Shipping Industry , Diana and Me while the rest wanna be in the Arts and recreational Management.
We wished each other luck and aft finishing our convo , i can't helped but think about it in my sleep. I'l be a working slave while they can still enjoy life and take it easy.
But i knew that i can't force myself because i just don't have anymore interest in studying. I might as well move on and gain experience in a different manner. They going to register for their Diploma in early February. They have to reserve a place for themself beacuse the competition is getting stiff. I wish You Babes all the Best luck.
And i knew that most of my friends(in ITE graduating) are still planning while the rest don't even have a clue such as that if you don't want to postpone your Diploma till next year , you have to register asap next month. For the Guys , NS is coming your way. All the Best for Alan , Fahmy and Mamat.

The other issues , i'll post it next time because time forbids me to continue. Have a good night sleep and have a nice day. It's unbelievable that it's already 3rd week of January , how time flies..

My nightmare has just began

2007-01-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

I was totally terrified when i knew that he's coming to fetched me home.
I found out when i msged him. He took 1/2 day leave to meet me. I was stunned and my heart jumped into my throat. As soon as i heard the news , i was on the verge to cry. I never meet him before and now he wants me to walk alongside with him. I was desperately need help. I was losing my mind because i donnoe how 2 react if i meet him. My guts feeling rarely correct but u noe when u r hving a heavy and tight feeling and felt kinda different , u noe it's alwaes gonna happen.
I was going berserk thinking it was revenge bcoz i avoided most of his calls and msgs. He won't stop talking about realtionship and stuff. And also it turns me off when i knew he is a possesive person. Not to mention that he also need to go for anger mgmt.
I came out ways on how to run and hide away from him but as a soft-hearted person , i gave him chance.
But still i need toi save myself first and i didn't know who can i turn to as i don hv that many Guyfriends. I can't call Faizil because i knew he wouldn't come becuase it's too far from him. I called my bro but he din switched on his phone. I ended up calling my bestie. Becoz i knew Makcik at work till 8pm. I phoned Asha for help and she was about to end her lesson and it was freaking 3.30pm. She readily agreed and wait for me at Shaw Plaza as plan! Thanx Babe! Muaxxx What are friends are for.. I heaved a sigh of relief. Now the frightening part was about to begin. The moment i saw him , i just managed a weak smile. I felt that he could read my mind that i wanna run a 1083484 miles away from him. If asha din come 2 e rescue , I couldn't imagine how would it turn out. I told him i meeting my friend and i could see that he was disappointed and i knew he was upset.
Because at night , he msged me.. asking what i think about him and his non-stop relationship thingy.
It's getting scarier and scarier. I told him 891247 times that i just wanna be FRIENDS.
Then he said he loves me.. My eyes nearly bulged when i read the msg. And i could not take it anymore , i didn't reply and he turned vulgar. I was pissed and terrified at the same time. I told my parents about it and my grandma who just came back from operation and sleeping inside my room , overheard my conversation.
And in the morning she asked me to becareful.
Nyai , i will love u Muaaaxxxxh!
The problem has yet 2 solve. I could feel his breathing down my neck.

SOS

2007-01-17T06:00:00.000+08:00

Oh my god! Oh my god!

A beautifu disaster

2007-01-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

Nyai's going for eye operation tmr at SGH. I can't be there to give moral support due to my attachment. I hope it turns out well and Nyai will have eyesight as bright as the vulture.
Next stop, It will be Momma's turn. Momma n Me had high-level of endurance. Momma had been in pain since God knows when. She's been keeping alot of illness in her body. I didn't know that she got athritis till i went 2 accompany her to the doctor just now. She needs surgery bcoz she can't moved her thumb. It pained me to see her in that situation. She also need to go for eye surgery bcoz her antaract is getting larger and if she delayed it any longer she could go blind. I was distraught by it. Money is alwaes the reason why she's holding back. I can only pray and give her emotional support. I don't wanna lose her. She's everything to me. No matter how sometimes i'm rude or disobeyed her instruction. I love her.
I guessed i got my momma's willpower. I need to extract my wisdom tooth coz it's stuck in the canal. I've been postponing it due to the same reason and also i'm afraid of those surgery equipment. I heard that they will not give u anesthetic injection. I have a low pain-threshold , not to mention blood phobia. Then there's my knee dislocation. It feels like 197482742 pins are being jabbed in me. It hurt as i walked but i plastered a smile on my face so i need not show the world that the world owned me an apology for all this disheartening facts! I don wanna talk about it coz i don wanna unnessecary attention or should i say sympathy from ppl.

*While Rider is a TURN-OFF. I seriously wanna tell him off. It's getting scarier. I had enough of his sulking ways and his complaining. Dude! Which guy will complain to his friend that e gerl his pursuing is not msging him. KNN.*

"Unfaithful"

2007-01-13T12:24:00.000+08:00

My last post attracted alot of attention and comments. Thank you for your concern loves and those encouraging words. I've tried so hard to accept Rider but sadly i can't. He's sweet , alwaes asking about my day and i've been replying those msgs half-heartedly. Everytime i saw "1 message received" , I prayed hard that it's not from him.
It's been a week since we get to know each other and i find him a pain in the ass. I tried to avoid but becoz i pitied him , i replied to some of his msgs reluctantly and quickly end our convo. I know i'm such a terrible person bcoz i don't appreciate his gestures. I can't accept him and I don't know why.
I can't explain myself and please don't force me to.
Maybe i could give you some examples on why i couldn't get along with him..
As you know , we were introduced to each other a week ago.
Rider and I haven't even go towards the stage of platonic friends and he already talked about relationship.
He wanted to make me his girlfriend and he hadn't even meet me!
I told him that he would be disappointed but he said he won't becoz he saw me once with my friend and i didn't acknowledged him becoz we were strangers back then. I was speechless upon hearing that.
I gave up and told him that i'm not ready for a relationship and he had the cheeck to answer back by..
"Klau dah ready u blang i ok.."
Then there was the part where he was frustrated that i didn't reply to his msgs for a day and kept asking me why.
"R u angry with me dear?"
"U dah taknak kawan ngan i lagi ke?
" U reply msg i asap k sayang.."
Arrrgggghhhh!!! What's with the sayang and those lovey-doveys words!"
I'm so disturbed by it that i had nightmare that he's stalking me.
I knew you must be thinking that i'm just being paranoid but Who wouldn't if they were lavish with this unwanted attention.
And do u know that i detected jealousy and possessive in his tone when we talked.
Now i'm seriously in a dilemma..

Perfectionist , The One.

2007-01-11T12:09:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with me?? When there is somebody who cares and call to check on me, I ignored him completely. But when there is nobody , I pined for someone to be there for me.
You came to my life and i welcomed u with folded arms. Why can't i accept u for who u are?? Why can't i give u the chance to get to know u better b4 i make conclusions.
Jannah!! Wake up from this fantasy!
There is NO such thing as the perfect man.The so-called "The perfect One" has extinct.
Everybody is Imperfect , they came with flaws. To err is human. So do U.
I should learnt from Asha , eventhough faced with miserable and failed relationships , she did not give up. She gave chances to those men eventhough she knew that it won't last long. She went out and get to know them eventhough she knew that they are not her type. She still gave it a try.
My sister kept telling me not to judge the book by its cover.
But i judged the guy by the 1st call or the 1st msg or how he potrays himself in those msgs and calls.
If i find it too disturbing or uncomfortable,I ignored the calls and msgs.
I never take the oppurtunity to make friends with him eventhough things didn't work out well the way we want to.
While Makcik insisted " Kau nak yg hensem aje kan?"
(U want e gd-looking ones only)
How shallow can that be??
I'm not the type of girl who goes for good-looking guys only.
I knew looks matter but for me the character is the most important one.
Call me a liar all i care , but that's the truth.
With that , i alwaes get fooled by it.
I knew of decent-looking guys who happen to be NOT so decent at all.
They were the most notorious bunch ever and i get hurt by them.
BUT i never learn my lesson and alwaes found myself fall into their trap.
When can i accepted this reality? I'm tired of getting myself tied up in this confusion.
And my sister even threatened me , with this ego i will never find
"The perfect One" inside the "Imperfect one".
It takes time to get to know that person thoroughly.
Just like me..It took me months to show the world that i'm NOT a fierce and unfriendly OR boring person. And after they knew who am i,
they're speechless.
" I don't know that u are this hyperactive"Hahahaha.
So what am i looking for in a guy??
-The One who can accept me for who i am.
Which falls to..
-Why can't i accept him for who he is??
(Back to square one) I can't find the answer still..
Give me wisdom..I'm desperately need an answer..
Anybody care to tell??

A whole rounder

2007-01-09T03:25:00.001+08:00

I was excited for my sister who starting school in ITE Simei!!! I even bribed her to change with me coz I MISS SCHOOL!!haha. She enrolled herself to the new course ,
"Nitec in Digitel Audio and Video Production" aka Mass Comm. Wow! She aced the interview and on the spot she was accepted. It's her ambition to be the backstage crew of a productions. She got it all well planned. I'm so proud of her. So if u chanced by a gorgeous girl wearing a green lanyard from info-comm school by the name of Safa , well that's my sister. I hope she will be a good videographer and Mr LPK or anyone will hire her for filming. Unlike the horrendous Musical Dvd they shot. Yucks!
Speaking of the devil , Haha i watched the video 20 times already! And because of that , The dvd already started making itself a nuisance on the Pharoah part. It's a stress-reliever. I don wanna think bout the workmanship but watching it gave me a good laugh. I've scrutinised every dance step , every facial expression and every bloopers. It's hilarious.
So sis , study hard ok! Don break ur parents heart.. Like what i did.. Sheessh..( a very long story)
Anyway , someone went and spoilt my mood early in the morning! I was so farked up due to it.
I as usually went to work taking bus 8. I never had any problem b4 since started working there 2mths ago. And 2dae , this blardy hell bus captain integorated me and saying me a liar bcoz im using my student ezlink while dressing corporate.If u observed , Student ezlink card and adult ezlink card sounds different when being tapped. He kept questioning me and i told him off by saying i'm in attachment , skewl send me 2 work , i hvnt graduated. I was so embarrassed , as though he purpose did. He din believe me and i just snatched my card and loudly say Haiiyohh , damn irritating!!!! I'm gonna complain to The new paper under speak-up page!
I understand bus captain has the right to check but do it politely and don look at ppl as though we are criminals. But this Ahpek surely want 2 kena fired. He kept asking passenger to show their cards to him. He got corked-eye therefore he cant differentiate between the young and old. I suggest he go and have lasik surgery. Arsyhole!!!!
But on a happier note , i got my pay! Yeah going shoe-shopping! Weeeeeeeeee~~~~

Not hating it Nor Loving it.

2007-01-06T15:00:00.000+08:00

Someday my dreams will come true - Just Waiting.

Yesterday was just a distant memory

2007-01-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

So how do I spend my Eve of New Year?
Apart from Hari raya Aidiladha Celebration at Nyai&Yai's House , i had my countdown 3 , 2 , 1 Zzzzzzzz.Haha.
I countdown in my sleep. Nvr in my whole 6 years , i slept early during eve of new year. I slept at 10pm.Haha.
As usually i was falling sick for the 2839587 times. I was feeling nauseous and feverish.Morever i need my sleep badly. And guess wat time i woke up on New years day while everyone was just about to start snoring. It was 0500 hours! Luckily i'm able to force myself to sleep again and woke up 2 hrs l8r. Sheesshh.

Since it's the new year. I decided to start anew and fresh by cleaning my ever messy drawer. It definitely was a havoc inside there. So many junks i accumulated throughout the whole one year.
It took me practically one whole day to clear out the mess. Now it's more presentable and neater.

* See those junks inside my drawer and magazine holder*

*Messy is my middle name*

*Total amount of junks from 3 drawers*

*Look wat i found during the operation clean-up!*

* Empty*

* 3 huge-sized plastic for my mess*

Then sorting out the magazine by years and by months..

*Who says a girl can't have too many magazines?*

*Am proud of my Cleo Collection*

* Can i be the cover girl pretty plzz..*

*The other mounted magazines*

While cleaning out the mess , i found myself surrounded with precious stuff which i still keep for memories sake. Eventhough it has been years and years , i still keep it tight. I'm a sentimental person. I don like to throw stuff away just because i had out-grown it. I was overwhelmed with feelings and i must say those ppl who gaves me those gifts will be proud of me too.

*Cards and Such*

~Asha u rmbr the postcard and pin-up from Australia u gave it to me when we were in Sec 2?

I still keep it though there's a bit of crumpled here and there , it will always be kept in my precious plastic just like u who will alwaes be my bestfriend :).

~ Alfiyan's Sweet 17 bdae wishes. Thou his just a past but i still cherished it.

~ Hari Raya Greeting Cards and Creative Bdae Cards From Jue is the most funniest one and heart-warming to read it over n over again. Gerl , thou we are still uncontactable , u are still my friend and i hope one day we will meet up again to catch up all those times.

~Letters from penpals indeed..

*Gifts from Sweet Seventeen Onwards(The frame was my 7th bdae)*

*The Most expensive gifts from a friend or should i say FriendSsss*

*Thank U Thank U.*

* The Greatest Memories Of 2006*

History made! It was the 1st time i felt in love and went bonkers for A star. I would never queued up for tickets or watever such coz it's a waste of time.

BUT for HYRUL ANUAR(winner of Anugerah 05) i sacrificed my money and time.

I joined his fanclub and get myself invited to his Gatherings. I went for his every roadshows and performance and not forgetting HIS CONCERT on 22nd April 06 at MAx Pavillion. It was definitely an eye-opener for me and i get to meet and make new friends. Who else if it's not HIS Fans. The special one who alwaes accompanied me 2 every of his event , Dizzyati. I met her thru his taggie board and from there we chatted up and we are still the living legends of Hyrul :).Now? He is serving Ns n i gradually move on....

*My ever beautiful collection*

~Don't i look like a walking Xmas Tree? Hee ;)

*I could open up a pushcart with these beauties*

Phew!! At last , i could pat myself on the back and treat myself with an ice-cream. I might say , it was worth it! Hope it last :).

*Neat , Tidy and organised*

One of my resolution!Haha.

Hoping for a lovely days ahead..

2007-01-03T09:19:00.000+08:00

Facts about me that People Must Know
- I loves hospital smells.
- I'm a fan of Archie's Comics.
- I can't swallow pills , tablets or capsules.
- I love watching gore movies with my eyes closed. Haha.
-I'm afraid of blood and injections.
- I read magazines starting from the back.
-I've been known to be a living Contradiction.

What makes me Happy?
- chocolates , chocolates , chocolates.
- cookies and cream ice-cream.
- Soft stick and Pepperpuff from OCK.
- Yong tau foo.
- Chicken black pepper spaghetti with extra cream sauce.
-finger-licking cheesefries.
-Ice-Lemon tea
(Food is the Best Orgasm!)
-Cold hard cash.
-Shopping , shopping , shopping.
-Camwhoring.
- Performing( Shimming and gyrating).

What to look forward on 2007
- Graduation.
- My 1st job in Logistic industry.

Wishlist for 2007
- A new laptop.
-Earn alot of cash and save alot of cash.
- A driving license.
- Expanding social life.

To you , from me

2006-12-31T00:09:00.000+08:00

The new year is approaching , to start anew and afresh. Let bygones be bygones , hoping that it would not repeat it again. I'v think it over and I know its too late but it's better now than never because I don want to ponder on it anymore.
I Like You..YES..Faiz!
All this while , I hide the feelings because i'm afraid ; afraid that u would laugh at me , afraid that u would ignore me but mostly afraid to break the friendship we had. I rather keep quite than lose you as a friend.
But what's killing me softly was knowing that both of us were being pretentious ; pretend that we didn't know , pretend that it didn't happen because both of us didn't want to offend each other feelings.
You knew about it , i knew you known about me liking you.You knew it long enough..
And am thankful for you not leading me on nor turning me down.
I wish you the very best for 2007 , may all your dreams come true..

( For those who kept urging me to tell , there u go..Ok , i know it's not straightforward like what you all expect it to be..because i don't think i'm meeting him again..I already lose my dignity anyway..Have a lovely new year)

Lotsa LYVE.

Family day out

2006-12-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

I had a fantastic time.( The best xmas Pressie) I can't rmbr when was the last time i had a blast with my family especially when my Pops is ard. My Pops is seldom with us during our family get-2gether due 2 work commitment. He's bz 24/7 , worked till late night to bring food onto the table. I appreciate his hardwork but (u noe) it felt different. Thats why i was reluctant to go but my momma insisted as she din wanna hurt Pop's feelings. It felt funny for me and i donnoe why. His presence made me wanna hide inside the cubicle forever. I guessed it's due to his invisibility and i get used to him not being ard. BUT I have 2 warm-up 2 him bcoz his my Pops NOT my Step-Pops. I don wanna us 2 act as thou we are strangers. I'm his flesh and blood.
Anyhoos , we went to pocket bowl at Katong Shopping Centre. It was cheap. Shoes rental was 1 buck and a game cost us 2.50 each 4 student b4 8pm. It looked like any other Bowling Centre. Hmm , if i'm not wrong this would be my 3rd time bowling. I'm still an amateur so 4give me.Haha. I recommended u 2 watch the Video below. It was hilarious.( Mind the un-professional take) I scored a pathethic 73pts , not bad 4 a beginner.Haha. This family day out had make me 2 have a nice decent convo with my dad. I can talk 2 him thou not into his eyes. i still feel squeamish but i'm thankful for this opportunity. I want this to last forever. The Dad and Daughter connection.

Moral of the story: Don't be too Confident hee ;p

Me , Myself and I

Score!Score!The deep-in-concentration Bro

The ever-so-vain 2nd sisLil Sis who nvr fails 2 tempt me 2 strangle her.

The Pops who brng it On!

Sorry momma , I din have ur pic coz ur don wanna be caught in camera. Thank u 4 taking care of e stuffs. Hee:)

*************************

Fahmy has been shorlisted!! Vote for him to enter THE FINALS 5O CLEO MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS. C'mon PPL LEND UR SUPPORT!

Something to ponder about

2006-12-26T05:30:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you ~~love~~ like them.
If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not 2 tell because you were so afraid of losing the friendship that you already had with that person?
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you ?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
How does it feels?

all i want for christmas is YOU

2006-12-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

Christmas came early for me. I had most of my wishes fulfilled. It was the loveliest present , thank u very much.

Enchating.Exquisite.Mesmerizing.

The Dinner Appreciation was fab. I hugged everyone in towed. I missed them like crazy. The food was a scrumptious spread but i din eat much coz i was too excited. It was the last meeting , God knows when will i get to see them again.
I received my certificate and the DVD , i watched it and the workmanship was hideous. The videographer must be an amateur. He OR she din know how to capture. it zoomed mainly on solo acts while the ensemble were left-out. I was cursing all e way coz it din focused the whole scene.Pathetic. But as Faizal pointed out , it's for memory sake.
Anyhoos , Mr Lim treat us to watch the Jazznova at MLT. The Guest apperance were April And Faiz. We went coz we wanna watched them performed. Haha but i do still supported the band. Although it was crowded everyone looked so serious. During the interval ; Sam , ShuHua , Jun and I had a chat with the conductor. He agreed with us and he encouraged us to dance also. Haha. Funny guy.

* Some of us*

*The thorn among the roses*

*Another thorn missing the roses*

*Cheena N me ;)*

*Pretty N Sweet*

*Flowery Us*

*Bezfren forever*

*The audiences*

*Mirror Image*

*We love the attention*

*Camwhore*

*U agree?*

The ultimate pressie would be meeting the guy who i've been missing lately and recently. God answered my prayers. He was the one who saw me first during the interval. He was seated the other side of the theatre. Both of us were suprised , it took me a minute to register who was he. After the show i quickly ran over to him and we linked arms. OMG! A dream comes true. I was estactic. We were talking at the same time. Haha. He misses me and i misses him. I was reattling all the way and as usual he was a great listener. We used to have a thing for each other but that was history. We're happily platonic friends now. I love that. We went home together and chatted all the way. Dearest Hussein, It's nice to bumped to u. It brought sweet memories:).

*Time standstill when u are with me*

*It was worth the wait*

Together we make a difference

2006-12-23T05:45:00.000+08:00

the incomplete babes

Sinful pleasures

One word:LOVES

U came back and haunt my mind

2006-12-21T17:05:00.001+08:00

EXHAUSTION

Those canaan Days

2006-12-19T16:16:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to this coming Friday dinner appreciation:

~~~Everyone is psyched!~~~

~~~They are so ready~~~

~~~We can't wait~~~

~~~Awake yet sleepy~~~

~~~Say cheese~~~

~~~Cam-whoring our favs~~~

~~~Caught in camera~~~

~~~when are we going to check in?!~~~

~~~When there's a will , there's a way~~~

~~~My beloved dreamhouse~~~

~~~Woohoo!! We're so excited!!~~~

~~~Aloha! Here we come!!!!~~~

~~~Must i say more?~~~

~~~A group hugs~~~

~~~Waiting suckx!~~~

~~~ We so exciting , we can't keep still~~~

~~~Getting comfy~~~

~~~Hunger pangs strike~~~

~~~Relaxation~~~

~~~Having our own sweet time~~~

That's all i have 4 e 3days and 2 nites camp. The rest is with Fiza and god knows who. It's been a month!

One Long Month of not seeing them.. I survived! I din realise i had these pictures coz my cam when busted on me and had 2 send it for repaired right aft the camp and i tot it would be deleted. I was suprised and elated 2 see the pictures alive. Bite me! Coz actually aft seeing these mates' faces , then i'm able 2 make up their faces.

I'm sorry to say i've forgotten how some of them look like. These pictures bring back those memories. I cherished till today and forever.I certainly can't wait for this Friday. I guessed that will be the last time ever...

Engangement Party

2006-12-18T11:04:00.000+08:00

Doa restu hingga ke jinjang pelamin dan ke anak cucu sehingga ke akhir hayat..

~~~The Gifts( Hantaran)~~~

~~~My ever beautiful Gf~~~

~~~With my fav hot mamas..~~~

Sum it up

2006-12-16T05:40:00.000+08:00

*Curses* I lost my wallet. Welcome Back Butterfingers. Bacuse of my carelessness , i had 2 replace that sweet-looking photo on my ezlink card. Mine is the only student ITE ezlink card that is not squished , pulled or edited by the photographers to fit the bill.I'm proud to show the world my ezlink card , unlike my fellow friends or schoolmate who looks at theirs with disgust.haha.But now it's all history. Together i lost 2 weeks of concession, 5 bucks for MRT use and 3.60 cash. Upon calculation , i'm $54.10 poorer coz i need to pay the fees for the misplaced card. This week has been laid-back , i helped to decorate the office for Christmas Celebration.
We having white christmas therefore the (rare) white tree and the beautiful trimmings. This is the first time , i'm involved in all this merry-making. I wondered whether there are any exchanging gifts session. I love pressies.
Luqman and Family went for their holiday in Sydney. I gonna miss the guy on our dinner appreciation next friday. Also Fiza and Juz who gonna be at Beijing for their 2weeks student exchange programme. Don't 4get the Ole-Ole!!. When was the last time i had a trip 2 faraway country and i mean out of Asia. It was a decade ago when i went to the middle east such as Turkey and Istanbul. Speaking of the devil , The KL trip on Christmas week has been canceled off due to the not-so-overwhelmed response from my family. I need a breather. I need fresh air away from Singapore breathing zone.
But The Parent decided to postpone and go during the march hols. Insyallah. I'm not going to look forward for it. I just will follow the flow. How many months later , anything can happen.
Kita merancang , Allah yang menentukan.
However i'm looking forward for this coming Sunday :) Im soo excited and i get jitters thinking bout it. I can't wait. Love love <3>
Suddenly i have the urge to sing.C'mon sing with me..My favourite song<3
Beribu bintang di langit kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rambulan mengambang kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rambulan
Terima kasih ku ucapkan

Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah ohhh..
Andai lagu ini mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah ohhh...
Sekadar memori kita di arena ini
Kau ilham ku ..

ATTENTION

2006-12-14T14:06:00.000+08:00

Dear Family , Cousins , Relatives , friends , colleagues , aquaintances OR anyone who may concerned.
If u urgently need to contact me , for those who have my home number do call me there and for those who don't do drop me an email at Janna_joe@hotmail.com. I assured u that i alwaes check my mail. I don't want to lose out in any outing nor hanging out session or retail therapy. Please Please do drop any important msg there.
Coz my hp is undergoing some servicing.
Thank You.
Yours Sincerely

Wait a minute

2006-12-14T05:30:00.000+08:00

Just do some upgrading therefore its unfinished. I have alot to add such as the songs , the pictures and updated linkies. So be patience orite. 2day bad news: I din get 2 see him! Cheh! Next time don't look 4ward , be natural.Haha. Good news: I came 2 work 2mins earlier instead of 8.45 , it's 8.43am.Haha. Good progress! L8r gng 2 parkway parade to take my cam and repair my dying hp. This is the 2nd time i live w/o my hp. Doink! I miss hussein. I miss giving him hard jabs on his bony shoulders and pointed looks when he gave me one of his sarcastic remark. I miss going home with him and bitch about skewl. I miss school!! He msged me ytd and i had 2 use my mommy's hp to reply. Now at work , supervisor went 4 lunch so can use e PC for awhile. I'm getting sick again. I'm been sneezing since ytd morning. Haiyoh! I'm craving the double chocofudge rocky road brownie at Taka!!! Sinful...Anybody wanna spoilt me??
The ex-colleague are going ladies nite at Mos. Sorry honeys can't make it , it's on weekdaes arr , weekends possible. Enjoy urself there and get wasted!!!

The Agenda

2006-12-13T15:27:00.000+08:00

OMG! Oh ma gawd! Oh my gosh!I saw that cute gay-looking guy with the tight ass!(im NOT being horny or watever) He does really have a perky butt. I find him very appealing. I like guys who dress up smart with shirt and pants of G2000 Or Raoul. So suave. Anyways.. We were wearing the same outfit!! He wore brown shirt n pant while i wore brown blouse and black pant. Weeeee~~ I was practically drooling(period).
Tanned , Buffed and intellectual-looking(Jannah stop fantatizing..) , what more can a guy ask for. Ive bumped into him since last week when everytime i missed my earlier bus. Haha. For him , i sacrificed and come late 15mins to work. I really do! Don't get ur hope 2 high babe , who knows if he already has a Gf or Enganged OR worse , Married with 2 kids!Haha. Hmm.. I wonder where does he live. I can't wait to meet him tmr.
Work was splendid today. The Bosses wasn't ard , everyone partied! Haha , my colleagues ordered in Pizzas. I've been craving for those slices eversince i donnoe when. Thank You very much.We had a party meal , my ever favourite super hawaiian supreme and bleah Curry Chicken. I wondered is that what make my stomach churned. I injured myself again(haiz) , i was happily stapling away those thick documents and Ouch! Blood oozing out from my pinky finger*faint*. I also stubbed my toe on the concrete floor , luckily no bloody scene.
I need0 a two new pair(s) of shoes for work and play. A heel and a peeptoe or mayb a pointed ones.
My other mates are having fun in school coz the holiday is coming which is this week!! For whole 2 weeks , they able to sleep and wake up late! Not that now they are not! Enjoy when u still can wokays!*Sob*
Otw home , i bumped into my primary schoolmate , red henna still thick on her fingers walking hand in hand with her husband.(Not shotgun plz :) Jealousy struck. She's Married! Isn't it beautiful..
My hp died on me!!! Hopeless!!! M1 customer service line 24hrs. WTF ALL Bullshit! PPl out there don ever use M1 , ur bill kept increasing and the reception is such an ass. I've been using this hp less than 6mths and it had been making a nuisance of itself eversince. So , those who wanna contact me do plz call my house number..

Meet My little Princess

Nadia

Model Wannabe

Pweetie and Booutiful

Breaking Free

2006-12-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon a farewell gift that was given by irene while cleaning my messed-up drawer. I chucked it inside the other as i don wanna lose it. And i will read it after the performance.I forget about it and I found it and read it. It hit me. The message was clear as the blue sky. Was it mere coincidence or was it a sign?. I took it in my stride.

Lovely isn't it? It gave me what i've been looking for. To start anew and fresh. To focus on the future. To move on.

Today..

will be yesterday

and

Tomorrow

will be today..

And what happen yesterday , i hope will not be repeated today..

(it sounds better in malay)

Hari ini..

Akan menjadi Semalam..

Esok..

Akan menjadi hari ini..

Semoga semalam tidak akan berulang kembali..

The Nong Nong Post

2006-12-09T15:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a shitty day or should i say week Or weeks..Ive been experiencing nauseousness and dizzy spells. I even had a packet of "asam2" with me to get rid of the feeling. I donnoe why i'm in this state. And mind u , i'm having my menses now. Not only that , I'm proned to accident too. I knocked my kness against the desk , cut my fingers umptheen time while doing paperworks , grazed my toes upon opening the toilet door , get myself locked inside the storeroom , slipped n nearly fall off and just now a bowl of chicken rice soup dropped onto my thigh! I guessed it's the withdrawal symptoms. Haha. Been kinda zone out nowadays and i knew why. I've been clinging on the past , my musical days. I have to accept the fact that it's over! I have to move on and let go. No use pondering on all that. Now i have to concentrate on my attachement to bring up my grades and also my future which i has yet to plan.
I could see my mate is living up the reality. But why can't i? I put too much hope on this friendship. It's not going anywhere. Even HIM! It's been nearly a month and i tried to erase the thoughts of HIM from my mind. We are not going to meet again and why should i like the guy who don't even know i exist. But everytime , his image will come and cloud my mind and i unsuccessfully pushed it away. I had to get a gripped. Fiza was able to 4get hers and i'm willing to do anything to forget HIM.
Luckily b4 i drive myself insane , i called up Makcik and asked her to meet me asap just now right after attachment at Bedok. We had dinner at LJS and poured all my disastifaction and disappointment to her. I can't call Asha coz i knew she's working that nite and the rest of my gfs..Haiz 4get it lah.. She was willing to come by eventhou she's working in the early shift tmr. Thanx babe 4 e support. I donnoe if i din met her 2dae , i will be in total darkness. No one to turn to. I went home humming coz i just let out the hughest sigh of relief ever. Haha. And yes I'm smiling :).
So in a happier note , Fahmy called me up and announced that he was selected to go for the CLEO shoots. I send an application to CLEO Eligible Bachelors coz i knew he will able to make it. Let's pray and cross our fingers that he will able to be in the Finals, "50 MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS". While at work , i just gotten myself transfered to the other dept(1 floor down) and i'm having quite a gd time there :). The staff there are more helpful and patience. I'm able to communicate with them and i have some work to do thou i still share the same table as my supervisor :(.
Anyways a few nites back , i had a chat with 1 of my musical mate. He never failed to make me laugh. And yeah! He made me smile thru out the chat. We were'nt catching up on the past but we were talking more of the ppl. Understand? Haha. It's not bitching but more to saying. And Mr u made me have nightmares bout it. His Right , everybody said they will keep in contact but reality check mate , they won't! We even sang his fav "close every door" or should i say type. Haiz , see im back to square One!.
Moral learnt 1): Never ever put ur hope up high coz it will come crashing down like a million glasses crushed to the floor.
Moral learnt 2) : Let bygones be bygones. (Let me 4get HIM)

Self motivation

2006-12-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

Hide those fake smile

2006-12-05T15:01:00.000+08:00

I'm alwaes at the losing end. I'm alwaes on the losing side of the team.
Thank you for pretending that u care.
Thank you for "being there".
Thank you for being my "trusted" friend.
Thank you for all those lies.
Thank you God for making me feel dejected.
Thank you for everything.
How much tears will U shed to stay alive?
I drowned myself in it.
What does not kills u makes u stronger.
It's killing me silently and make me wilted.
These smile are meant to hide. Not to show the world all the rough things that i've been going thru. Nobody knows deep inside my troubled soul. Close every door din mean anything to me anymore. Why must it always happen to me. Am i born in this world , to be jeered at , to be betrayed at or to be stepped on. I knew this is just a test in life but as it continues to happen , my faith started to diminish. For everything that happen , there's a reason behind it. But what's the reason for making me devastated. What's the reason to hurt me? What's the reason of you to break those promises. I can't take it anymore. I had enough of crying. I had enough of tasting my own tears. I had enough of putting a brave front. I had enough of trusting ppl. I hate enough of believing ur words. I had enough of all those false hope. If u hate me so much , take my life away. I'll be grateful to leave this world full of lies , betrayal and broken promises behind.

Nobody wants to be Lonely

2006-12-03T10:15:00.000+08:00

Neither do i.

Hold my hand forever.

2006-12-02T06:43:00.000+08:00

Woah! Its 1st December 2006! In 30 days , we welcoming 2007. Fast huh?
Time flies when u are having fun. We grew a year older and hope to be more wiser.
I'm looking forward for new challenges ahead. I hope i'm able to achieve the things that i have yet to next year. I hope for new blessings. Of coz , i won't 4get the memorable 2006 , New friends made , Experiences gain and Love. These are the things that i will reminisce later.
All the Best. Im gonna enter a realm where im neither a teen or an adult. I have to brace myself to a year full of suprises a BIG 2-0.

sick and tired

2006-12-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

The other nite , i had a distubing dream which is close to my heart. I din wake up in tears but it left me with a hurting feelings. I remembered then that i dreamt b4 last week , but with a different person. I din wanna 2 think about it coz i din wan it 2 become a reality. With that , began a series of misfortune that befall on me. I went to work as usual but the bus came a tad min early and i couldn't run for it therefore i had to work for a freaking 15mins for the next bus and as u guess i came late.Once i reached , barely heating up the chair , i got a scolding from my mentor. I hate this Gerl! Bitch! Nobody is scolding me and u r screaming at me with ur shitty smell. Because of her , i might get a D 4 attachment. I din noe why the mgmt chose her to be my mentor as she teached me impatiencely and reluctantly. She expected me to understand but how can i remembered stuff that is being taught only once?. Practice make Perfect. I was so embarrassed coz she scolded me infront of all the office ppl. I seriously wanna slap that bitch face. I was also not feeling well , the sickly feeling has yet to fade. I kept sneezing so they chased me out so that i will not spread the disease. Only 1hr of work! I'm gng to be broke till New year. I went for consultation at Bedok PolyClinic and gotten myself a 2 days Mc.I developed a a high fever and a bit of infection due to my flu. Thank You very much Dr.I need this rest. I'm so overworked and exhausted. I miss my friends. My suptulang Freak: Fitri , Ahmad , hussein , Izz and Dyla. My babes: Diana , April , Emilyn , Fyqa , Huiyun and Fel. And of coz not 4gotten the Lovelies ppl who came into my life recently: Makcik , Jun and Fiza. I miss talking on the Phone with u gerls!!
Not forgetting my beloved Liy , Asha , Shera. and my darling Colleague Azizah.

RollerCoaster Ride

2006-12-01T04:02:00.000+08:00

it's a ~~Dog-Eat-Dog~~ Bitch-Eat-Bitch World. I've learnt the hard and difficult way. You can't make everyone happy. You try to live up their expectations but you know your limit and you have to show them you are strong to handle this OR they make look down on your capabilities. I faced all kind of bitchiness that i could ever imagine. I never thought that i could find myself in this situation. I din mixed ard that much and i know i'm just a trainee. Sadly they took me for granted. I was appalled when some1 went against me. She backstabbed me and this particular person is some1 who i look up to. It was unbelievable. To add to my disappointing state , now i'm not feeling well. A few days back , i was attacked by the Cramp monster and what's with the On n Off weather , i developed watery nose and throbbing headaches. This month , i've been sick twice! Not even a duration of two weeks. I shall input myself in the Guiness Record coz i've been falling sick often. It sucks! Mucus dripping and non-stop sneezing. Hate it! Lately , i've been shitting alot to. I realise that. I've been going to the toilet to shit endlessly. It's not once or twice a day but five to six times! Laugh u may but this is what happen. I woke in the morning , i shit. Then b4 work i shit again. During attachment , i refrained myself but sometimes i just need to let it go ( i need 2 bring my toiletries everytime now) and when i reached home i shit and b4 i sleep i shit again. By the end of the week , my asshole will teared. I thought that i might having my menses soon but i counted the days , it only arrive on the 2nd week of every mth. Unpredictable and Troublesome. To add more on my saddening Life , There's some disturbing facts that my friends are neglecting me and Some are even pretentious. Come Rainy days they all dispersed with their own umbrella not offering any to me. I'm left stranded. Now is the time that i do really need someone to be by my side. I don ask 4 more.. I miss having someone special when at night i'm feeling lonely , i could cuddle up hearing his voice.. Why am i bringing up the past? I hate myself for liking you..

Ladies Of the Mo'

We need some Lovin'

These who make me feel different

Captured

The Sweetest

PARENTAL CONSENT

No String Attached. A picture of thousand words.

Life is sweet when u put sugar in it.

2006-11-28T05:29:00.000+08:00

Met the Much Love ppl at P.S. They were Asha , Shafri , Alan , Agnes , Faiz , Fahmy , Fiza , Yaqyn and Juz. Mas went off halfway , i was kinda disappointed coz couldn't meet her. I was late with a valid reason. I was rushing from somewhere just to meet them. Actually i was forbid but i showed them how angelic i was for that day , finally they relented it. Sorry Juz , i couln't make it to ur performances. Faiz cut his hair , looks much more younger than his son-of-three hairstyle. Wakaka! But now he looks like a tweenager. he could pass off as Secondary 3. After Dinner at BK , We went off to Esplanade. It was the last day of Pesta Raya thingy and We stopped by to watch a performance done by Durba Dua a Dikir Barat Group. They were hilarious and one of the Tukang Karut was already Married with 1 kid! The baby girl is as Cute as the daddy. As usual we were cam-whoring and i accidentally deleted Shafri Folder. Dear , i'm sorry tak sengaja..It's not my fault partly coz the instruction was a bit complicated. We took pichas at the underground area where ppl mistaken that for the toilet. I was having fun posing for the camera. Then , Shafri had a crazy idea(2 me) But professional to him. He wanna a sexual pose of me and Fahmy while He and Yaqyn. I was shy but warmed-up when they were cheering for me. Shafri was good a photographer coz he made the pic looks real. The rest could not believe that i could pose in an erotic way. It's all in the name of fun. I couldn't do a lesbian kissing scene coz I'm Not One! I tried but it ended up disgusting. It looked surreal. I posed together with Yaqyn , Agnes and Asha but we don have any chemistry coz We're Straight! We love Men! Wakaka! But Alan , Fahmy and Shafri were able to make The Gays' out there Jealous. You should see them how they make everything gayish. I loike! Wakaka! And Fahmy has agreed to let me send his pichas to CLEO Eligible Bachelor. Now i shall wait for the pichas from Shafri. Faiz and Fiza went home 30mins earlier than us. What i heard , Faiz was pissed off early in the aftn b4 the meeting. Don asked me why coz i don have the chance to have a decent conversation with him all day. I've gotten everybody photos but not him. Anyways , During the Musical performance last day , The Guys made an accapella for us. It was "in the still of the nite" BlaBlaBla. I couldn't watch it Live coz i was so overwhelmed with the-last-day feelings. I was able to catch a glimpse of it only coz they were singing room to room for the girls and it was crowded coz everyone cramped in. Anyways , Fahmy was sweet enough to sing it for me Ytd. Just for me. Thank You..

Take him for who he is

Makcik called him Berok! How rude can that be? She always pointing out that to me and i give her a dose of reality back to her and called her's Bangla. I was mad. She always insisted to know what i like about him coz she Knew his not my type. Ppl who are close to me knew that I like guys who are religiously-inclined , a family person , the 2Rs( Respectful and Responsible) , Fun-Loving , Independent , Thoughtful , Romantic & A crooner. Isn't that too perfect?? Morever , Mom always reminded me that sometimes The One that we have been looking for will not turn out to be The One. And since i've been hurt twice , i don't believe that Perfect Guy or True Love ever existed. Did i mention Trust? in my dictionary , Nobody can be trusted. Everybody out there who confesses that they love you , will hurt you in a way or another. After the Last incident , i told myself not to fall for any guy anymore. And now in ITE , Guys there is unmentionable. Till , i met him.. Why i like him? Truthfully , i have no idea. I knew all about his flaws and it's contradicting with what i have in mind. Nobody's Perfect , neither am I. So , i have to accept him for what and who he is. And my reasons for keeping this feelings , it's as easy as ABC and 123 , I din want to ruin our friendship( Period). I'm comfortable with the things between us but Hearts don't Lie. And i know i'm making History to repeat itself again. I don't want 2 get hurt again nor break a friendship but the only way is to face the music himself..

The Greatest Love of all

2006-11-26T09:03:00.000+08:00

Last nite , i woke up in cold sweat. it was 0300hrs. I was in excruciating pain. My legs especially my calf were immobile. I tried to wake my sister up whom was sleeping by my side. I knew she was half-asleep but she was afraid(Who wouldn't) Bcoz i was making strange noises in the middle of the night. I called out her name and intsucted her 2 switch of the fan and massage my calf. I was gritting my teeth and biting on my bolster. I knew i was having cramps , i felt i was being pulled a mile along. i can't straightened my leg nor bend it. God knows what i was experiencing. I decided to call my mom and my sis ran to our parents' room. "Ma , kaki kak takleh bergerak" In a seconds , i could see my mom running 2wards me. I was already in tears. I was afraid that i might turn into a handicapped. Mom quickly recited some prayers and started to massage my calf at 3 o'clock in the morning. She put the massage oil on me and pressed hard. I was screaming and shouting how painful was it and i awoke my lil sis. She watched in horror. I was shivering as my mom massaged bcoz I felt so blessed. She din mind the hours to attend me. It's just take some loving to put my mind at ease. I knew my mom loves my siblings and I but we took her for granted just because she din show some actions. I knew she did but we were too absorbed in our ego to realise that our mother loves us. Which mother in this world , din love her child? Trust me , thou she's far away , her heart and her mind is on you. Thinking about u every single time. I'm grateful and thankful that my mom nowadays is by our side. We grew up seldom seeing her ard the house. Now that she's here , i wish that she will always stay by us. I can't imagine how's life gonna be if she's gone. Mom , I Love You...

Surviving

2006-11-25T13:38:00.000+08:00

Lack Of Love and Shagged.

Life has to go on.

2006-11-20T10:13:00.000+08:00

No more laughter ,I might say. Back to my old , boring and dull life back.
No more fridae nites , saturday lunch and chilling sessions.
It's hard to let go but life has to go on.
Only memories that keep us together.
Love u guys loads...
The Musical Clan.

It's a wrap!

2006-11-19T14:58:00.000+08:00

Hot Guys Alert ;)

Dayang-Dayang

The Beautiful But Evil Queen

Mr pharoah Man

The stage Crew

The Props

The last curtain call

The Kind Thoughts

Him.

The last curtain calls

2006-11-18T02:21:00.000+08:00

Nothing Stays , Everthing will change.
For every Beginning , theres an ending.
Our Friendship Blossoms.
From friends to crushes to lovers.
Going through up and downs 2gether, Make us stronger.
Memories are built and kept 2 be remembered.
The time spent are significant.
Now as we bid gdbye , we left footprints of experince.
To be cherished in the future...

~ Jannah go 4 it! Today is the last day.
So u won't regret it in the future.
Give everything u've got.
Last chance for fame and Love.
Believe in Yourself Gerl!
Make Ur Family And Friends Proud!

Friends forever

2006-11-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this
Some people search forever,
For that one special kiss
I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime,
For a moment like this.

Ist show end. 2nd show end. Now it's the 3rd and the last.
May it be the successful Grand finale.
The last curtain call , i felt like crying.
There goes our 50hours work for a whole 4mths.
There goes the friendship that i build with wonderful and marvellous ppl.
The wackiest and craziest buch of humans i ever met.
Faiz , Alan , Asha , Mas , Agnes , Jun , Sam , Vivien , Fiza , Faizal , PeisHan , Syirah , Dayah , Aqram , Juz , Suhari , Pauline , Yaqin , Yadiy , Khid , Nana , Didi , Shuhua , Fit , April , Christine , Fahmy , Jo , JK , Steven , Suraya , Suhailah , Luqman and Shafri.
(Sorry for those whose name din appear) And to our much love instructor , Director and in-charge. Irene , Tony , Richard , Mr Lim , Mr Andrew And Mr Cho.
Thank You very much for the support.
The patience and believe u have in us.
The motivation and encouragement will stay in me.
U guys are the bestest thing that ever happen to me.
Thank God For introducing me to you.

As we go on ,We remember
All the times weHad together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever..

It's now or never

2006-11-16T01:58:00.000+08:00

The anticipated has arrived..
The Day for us to show it all..
The Day for me to count has the time passes by..

The Day for me to hope for the best for the next two days..

****************************

I shall not hide it anymore ,
I'm Hopelessly devoted to Him..

Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you

Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing
to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see,
there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
Hopelessly devoted to you.

I'm in a swirling mood. I can't think and i don't know what to do.
I left 3 days for me to ~~pursue~~ Him..
~~48 hours~~ , it's less than that.
I'm going to miss Him.
This past 4 months has been great , I enjoyed every moment of it.
Every moment of Him thou not alone together at least his presence made me elate.
I've been dreading this day to pass and gone in a blink of an eye.
I miss..
Him singing out my name..
Him calling out my name..
Him looking into my eyes as we talked some stuff..
His intense pair of eyes..
His funny face when he made a joke..
His sarcastic remark..
His monkey-ing ard..
His choice of food..
His calculative mindset..
And most importantly..
I miss the person himself..
How he made me feel..
Faiz..

**************

The best that i can get

2006-11-14T03:32:00.000+08:00

My Love ones

Raya Outing with The High School Mate din turn well. Everybody was stubborn , din want 2 give and take. 19 but yet to grow up yet to forgive and forget. I was pissed coz this is the worse jln raya ever. We were supposed to be in 2gether but bcoz of some petty stuff , everyone started to take sides and separate. I was disappointed with them. Now i have 2 wait another year to meet them again. And i hope the victims w0uld still join us. I apologised on behalf off them.
Yan , Nabil And Sufyan I'm sorry coz they busted you halfway..
I hope you will still join us next year.
I should learn to be assertive.
The last house was Faizil's , we decided not to give in anymore and make our way there.
At Faizil house's , He took all his artifacts of him and shalyn. They have been together for nearly 5 long years. And he still kept his memoirs. Letters, Wishing cards and gifts from eons ago till now. I envied them. Full of love since the both them 15 and 14 respectively. I saw the grew and bond and i alwaes pray for their well-being.

Yerlah Faizil , aku doakankan kau n shalyn akan ke jinjang pelamin dan bahagia ke anak cucu.

Asha and I sighing as we browsed thru those artifacts. Both of us deep in thot , I'm still looking and searching for the Him. The one who prove to me that NOT all guys are the same.

While Asha is in a love triangle. I wished to be in her position. Two guys fighting over me.

I'm sick and tired of becoming the victim , To be heartbroken. Thanks Cupid for successfully pierce my heart broken.

Best of friends

The Babes met

Lousy

2006-11-10T14:11:00.000+08:00

Knn. Ccb. Pk. Ass. FUCK! BITCH!
I knew it , it will happen. I knew it!
I dislike my attachment , my work. I've been dreading 2 go eversince the 1st day aft seeing the surrounding.
Where does all the preaching goes 2?
If u need any help , we are here. You can approach us , Here we are in personal contact.
WTH! None of u are friendly! None of u are Approacable!
I've been minding my business all along. I seated next to you staring and observing.
Damn it! I'm just like a lifeless doll.
I understand that this is a profit-making company and u don't have 24/7 2 attend 2 me.
The way u teached me can be seen that it's so unsincere.
U can't expect me 2 catch everything u say in a short time.
U don give me the chance. It's all written in your face. Bitch!
I shud be the one to do complaining bcoz u din do ur responsibilty 2 teach me in a gd manner.
U like to beat ard the bushes when u teached me.
I don understand WTF u explaining about.
How dare u bitch said that i din do my work properly.
When HELL i don even have anything to do.
Like i say i'm like a lifeless doll seating bside u from 9am till 6pm staring ahead and trying 2 understand what the fuck u talking about.
Listen here missy. Tell me straight in the face rather than complaining 2 Mdm Cheng whom u happened 2 hate .
U don act as if u are pure as an angel. Don act NICE! U failed miserably.
I donnoe what else has u been disapproving of me.
I tell ya , im not going 2 stay silent.
I'm going 2 prove 2 u and ur freaking company that i'm able 2 make it.
Bitch!

* Sorry for the insensitive words*

Addictive

2006-11-09T04:58:00.000+08:00

I need my sleep real bad. I've been yawning and Nodding off at work. It's not a gd sign.
And i had 2 take the easiest way out , for the past days i had been downing cups of coffee.
*Yeuch* I hate coffee. The bitter taste and strong smell. Morever i bought from the Ahpek stall.
Cheap and unglamorous.Haha.Even starbucks or Coffee Bean and McCafe , i don't ordered expresso nor Cappucino. I avoided Mocha coz of its taste. I prefered chocolatey type.
I hope im not addicted to it coz Musical is in 5days and i have 2 take care of my voice and health.

Speaking of the devil , 5 long months passed. I grew and bonded well with everyone of them and in 10 days , we are parting our separate ways. During the Hari Raya Outing , we brought up the subject. Ppl had been saying and assured that we will stay friends forever but the the truth hurts. Reality check My dear.. I know that after the Grand Goodbyes , everyone will mind their business. I don think every each of them will remember the time spent training 2gether , Hanging out aimlessly etc. But i know that i will remember all my musical mates. I will recognise their faces outside n shall not 4get their name. Their role in my life.
Him. I'm going to miss you badly. Life has to go.. The secret shall stay in my soul. Thou u are oblivious or just pretending , i wish u all the best. I know down the road , girls will definitely chase u and i know that u will make a big name in this entertainment industry.
I hope u won't forget me , the gerl who has the fiercest face. I just want 2 make an impact in your life.

As we go on , we remember...

2006-11-08T14:55:00.000+08:00

I'm Home!! Home sweet Home.
I had a tremendous fun for the last 3 days thou i 'm dead beat. Those 2 nites , my sleeps were at 0230 and 0430 and 0630. Every 2 hrs , ill be awake. It's difficult 2 sleep when u were in a room filled with the loudest bunch. You know who i meant , don pretend. And another thing this camp gives me a time out from attachment that i've been dreading to go. I was assigned to be the Bungalow I/C. I was put in Bungalow 12(Laughing Thrush) , my bunkmates(every1 been using Bunk instead of calling it bungalow) were Khid , Yadiy , Syirah , Hidayah , Luqman , Jo , Vivien , Sam n Agnes. Every bungalow has 4 rooms and we divided ourselves equally. I oocupied the 1st room with Agnes and Vivien. The Funny thing , i nvr slept in my own room instead i slept in Room 11 for the past 2 days. I could not take alot2 of pictures , my digicam made an asshole of itself. Blardy hell! Best Denki din make a gd Job in repairing the stuck lens. It got stuck again after 1 day of repairment. I was furious.as I had 2 depend on my hp which i had 2 off every other hour coz i din bring my charger. The food were a srumptious spread.
First Day 02/11

My teamates Dare 12! U rox!!

Came early had breakfast at Mac's with the rest and hopped on the shutter bus at 8.30am. I was excited and can't stop snapping pichas. We were the early birds , all of us were awed by the surrounding and everyone unanimously agreed that it's gonna be a camp to be remembered. We reached our designated bungalow but nobody was there and we had to hang ard till Mr LPK arrived. As soon as he opened the door , everyone burst thru it and scattered everywhere , checking the rooms. Each of us were in high spirits. We waited for the late-comers while continued to pose for the cameras. Faiz and Mas still had the time to play pillow fight.
We had our briefing ard 10.30 am and asap the i/cs' got the key like tornadoes they zoomed 2wards their bungalows. I sprinted with Agnes but we were kicked out from our bungalow coz the previous customer yet to checked-out. All my bunkmates were mad coz we had to stand in the Hot sun. While waiting i dropped by bungalow 11 and 13. i heard laughter , giggling , thumping of foots choosing the best rooms. But actually all the rooms are the same and i picked the 1st room with the queen size bed. We checked in ard 11.30am , 30mins 2 get ready for lunch and games. I made myself comfortable by showering and changed into shorts n t-shirts. I wore a bright orange cotton t-shirt and everyone kept commenting how bright i was. I'm the Focus Pt. Haha. We labeled ourselves as Dare 12. Our members were those competitive type and for a few rounds we got 1st place. We were delirious and somehow too much of sun and shouts , i found myself in a dizzy spell and fainted while laughing at Khid's Joke. it happened so fast that i'm still asking myself whether i did really faint or was it due to laughing too much. But my campmates agreed that i actually fainted coz i fell by my side. I took it in my stride and the game continued. We were all hot and sticky and decided to drown themselves in the pool and chilled. I din joined coz i was embarrassed wearing my swimsuit and almost 3/4 of my mates were there. I missed all the fun. The girls were all in bikinis and made me feel self-conscious.
Dinner was superb and we had to come out with a skit. Mine's was terrible and we got 3rd place aka Last. I spent my nite watching Prison Break , playing uno cards and munching on junks at Bungalow 11. Then as the clock stuck midnite , something eerie happened. I wanted to hang at Bungalow 13 with Asha and Jun so i went out from Bungalow 11 alone and headed there w/o telling them. In oreder to get to their bungalow , i need to past Bungalow 14 which faced their bungalow , i saw "Something" standing by the car. From the shape , it looked like a lady and i thot she was retrieving something from her car. But as i squinted and stared , she just stood there and kept staring at me. I tried not to think negative and be scared. But as i get near , i saw "it" and suddenly my hp rang. I nearly get a heart attack , it was Jun asking me 2 come over. I quickly pulled myself and burst in and jumped into their bed. They were suprised and kept questioning me. I was babbling and shivering. Asha called Shafri to accompany us inside her room. I was still blurred and found myself in Bungalow 11 in Alan's Room seated with Vivien and Fahmy and others. I covered myself with the blanket and laid near Fahmy's feet. Fahmy kept reassured me and giving me pats to calm me down. I soon felt asleep. While i was snoring peacefully(Alan described it) , they can't get any winks and decided 2 sneak out and they walked all the way 2 Pasir Ris Central( Blardy 3omins walk) having early breakfast(Prata).
They left me alone in the room. I was appalled when Becca dropped the bomb. I visualised how my reaction would be if i woke up and found myself alone..
Second Day03/11

The wrapped in blue is Faiz

Awoke beside Vivien and Becca at 0630. I was so sleepy and dragged myself to Bungalow 13 and barged in and jumped in between my 2 lovers. I started talking and i knew they were half-listening and i kept yakketing-yak and felt asleep. When for breakfast and was served tau-suan. All foods had been snatched up in mere minutes. When thru the amazing race with my stomache rumbling. We sweat it out and we came in 3rd. We were displeased with our performance. The 1st to start and the last to end. I was unhappy who wouldn't?! So near yet we can't see the clues. Who wanna lose aite? Everyone wanna be the winner.
Agnes was feeling down and she cried. What make it worse was , Suhari aka Mr Hot came in and asked us whether we're fine or whatever. I was in a hideous state with towels wrapping my head and minding my wounds with plasters while agnes hiding in the wardrobe. She was putting her expectation to high and it smashed like thousand pieces of glasses on the floor. I understand what she's going thru. Suhari was insensitive. He kept proding us with "u ok?" "r u sure u ok?" WTF! Mind ur own bzness. I advised her to be strong and believe in fate. It's funny and contradicting. Ppl will think im strong to lead my life when actually it's the facade ONLY. I put a brave front , i don want 2 show the world how weak i am. I'm quivering inside. Only ALLAH knows. How painful as the days passed. But i'm thankful that i'm given the oppurtunity 2 grow more wiser and stronger each day. As someone put in.. Each day is a blessing , Life is a journey..
After the briefing , we had our last swim. I was afraid and clung 2 the side and watched the fun. Once i nearly drowned therefore i shall not risk it. Luckily i'm din developed any phobia. Thank Goodness. We swam till 10pm.
The nite passed and what we predicted the last day would be FUN , FUN, FUN din happened. We crowded in Alan's room , Juz was telling a ghost story. It was hilarious coz suddenly the bed broke. While waiting it 2 be mended , Mas was teaching us some dance moves. As the clock hit 0200 , my eyes were getting droopy and i saw Faiz , Vivien n Sam was already asleep. I joined in and was awaken by Fahmy who was pulling the blanket underneath me. I found myself sleeping beside faiz. I wondered whether did i put my arms on him? Coz i felt something soft and cushioning-like supporting my arms. The gerls( Vivien , Sam n Me) Shared the mattress while Faiz was sleeping on the floor. He wrapped himself with his sleeping bag zipped all the way up. Let me tell you this.. Sleeping patterns show who u are like. Faiz has huge insecurities(Ppl who slept covering themself from head to toe or hiding under quilts or blankets),
Vivien cuddled like a baby , shows how much she like to be love and Sam was facing upward straight , she's not afraid of anything. she loves challenges. I shall not judged.
The 3 days and 2 nights came 2 an end04/11. I had fun coz i get 2 be by Him. But i guessed the feeling is diminshing coz his true colours shone. We were left another 10 more days b4 our goodbyes...
Sunday05/11
We were supposed to have a hari raya outing but some spoiltsport decuided to ruin it. I rounded those who were sincerely enough to join. Applause to those who made it: Asha , Fiza , Nana , Jun , Shafri, Luqman and fahmy.
Thanks you guys. I appreciate it..

I love you guys...

Aloha! Here i come!!

2006-11-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

The Awaited days has finally come. Today!!!!!! I'm so excited that i only had 5hrs of sleep. I counted the weeks , days , hours and minutes. And it's here!!!!! I want to have fun fun fun.
I hope the time will pass ever slowly coz i don wanna this 3 days and 2 nights to end early and i wish to have some good happenings. So i'm off now..Wait 4 the pichas ..alot..:)

Hold my hand forever.

2006-11-02T06:37:00.000+08:00

Woah! It's 1st December 2006. In 30 days time , we welcoming 2007! Fast Huh? Times flies when u are having fun. We grew a year older and hope to be wiser. I'm looking forward for new challenges ahead. I hope that i can achieve what i have yet to next year. A new year , A new experience and a new blessings. But of coz i will not 4get those memorable times in 2006 , New friends made , Love and Experiences.

I want u to hold my hand forever.

2006-11-02T06:27:00.000+08:00

Woah! It's 1 december 2006. In 30 days time it's 2o07! Fast huh? Everything whizzed by.
We grew a year older and hope to be more wiser. More challenges are waiting ahead. I have to brace myself to welcome it all. 2006 bring great memories to me , those unforgotten moment , experience gained , New friendship built and Love. In the future , i can only reminisces about it.

Once upon in a faraway Land

2006-10-31T16:10:00.000+08:00

There lives a Prince , A charming Prince hidden from the public eye. His countrymen wanted to know how he looks like therefore after 11th full moon. He appears..

Meet

Prince Daniel

Hugs And Kisses

Life-Long Learning

2006-10-30T06:05:00.000+08:00

I MISS SCHOOL.

*gAsP* I miss school. I miss coming late to class. I miss taking half day leave for school. I miss the fresh smell of Library. I miss my Teachers. And i miss the ever famous Nasi Ayam Black Pepper.I miss everything about ITE College East. .

to be told

2006-10-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

The clock showed it's 0320am yet im wide awake. It's rare to see me awake at this hour unless it's camping or chalet. I'm just getting in the mood coz it's HARI RAYA CELEBRATION tmr.
I shud be getting the beauty sleep rather than hang ard the computer. I don wanna looking unglamorous when i'm visiting my grandparent with dark eye-circle aite.haha.
I've just started my attachment 2dae at Griffin Kinetic Pte Ltd at Jln Ampas. If u blardy din noe where is it , it's 10mins walk from Balestier Plaza and Shaw Plaza all the way in. I was Farked up coz it's soo ulu.I read that it handled shipment internationally but the office and warehouse looked like the temporary office of construction and it have the strength of 10 officers. The director din have his own room with big mahagony table instead he sat all the way behind from his executives. Thou i might say that , the atmosphere is quite relaxing and have a personal touch on it. As u can and anytime communicate with the Boss. My 1st dae was like a lost child , my mentor din teach me much , i just sat ard and observed her do the work. I'm so kanchiong coz i'm afraid i may get adverse comments. She assured me that 1st dae usually not much to do , only briefing. Btw the Administration Manager is Cute , Geeky Cute.Hehe. I loike!
Ytd when out wif Massura N Agnes. Him was there too. I just got 2 noe otw there. Unpredictable things started to happen. Too many things to be listed down but i was on cloud nine ytd. I miss Him.

When U sway , I go weak..